More insane ramblings
This is a true conversation between myself and a friend who has recently become wheelchair bound:
Her: "Every shop has to have disabled access by law now, but loads of shops don't."
Me: "Well it will cost money and not that many people are in wheelchairs."
Her: "A shop on Anlaby Road doesn't have a ramp and the owners own son is in a wheelchair!"
Me: "I used to live there, which shop is it?"
Her: "The extreme sports store near George Street."
When I finally stopped laughing (her shouting at me just made it worse) I suggested a wheelchair bound extreme sports fan should see a doorstep as a challenge.....she didn't take it well and got proper nasty when I suggested a curved ramp like a skate boarders, to allow stunts.Of course it could be a sinister ploy to stop people returning faulty safety harnesses.
Testing cosmetics on animals could be a good thing as long as the right product is matched to the right animal. A rhino may be grateful of a bit of moisturiser, and anyone who has seen an orang-utan up close will agree that a shampoo with conditioner wouldn't go amiss.
I got this via email from a male friend (His idea of 'luck' and mine differ greatly): Back problem maybe caused when I fell through the loft when insulating it at a previous house. Luckily there was a joist between my legs to break the fall.
I once coloured in the nose on my ex's cat with a yellow highlighter pen and told her he had a liver complaint and would probably die like "my gran's cat that had the same thing". She was quite stressed until she saw where I'd accidentally coloured in a bit of fur too.
Lord Of The Rings: why didn't the giant eagles just fly the Frodo from the Shire to the volcano thingy: he could have chucked the ring in before he gets attached to it, and flown back. Could have been done in a 15 minute short film. But then we wouldn't have got to watch Sean Bean die....memo to self: send orcs a christmas card.
Things I do worse than animals: Whales make better soap, Elephants are better at making pianos, but hats off to the crocodile, who can make boots, handbags and belts: all better than me.
The last (or third) Stars Wars film, if they'd gone to the 'Bubble Wrap World' instead of the lava one, it could have been a lot nicer ending all round.
And why did the villagers in King Kong build a King Kong sized door in a wall designed to keep King Kong out? Surely a little villager sized door would have been a better idea.
In action films why do truck drivers always keep driving when all their cargo is falling off the back of their trailer and causing havoc behind them?
New guidelines in English Law now mean it is my responsibility to judge whether a girl is sober enough to give consent. By pint number 9 I will swear on my life I'm sober (and a great singer with some nifty moves on the dance-floor and a great sense of humour), so how I am suppose to judge someone else's sobriety?
My mother had had the same iron for years and the insulation on the flex had worn through to the wires from rubbing on the edge of the ironing board. The wires still had their colour coating.
I commented to my mother that that may not be safe (I was 9-10 at the time). She suddenly got all serious and asked "if you came in and found me laid on the floor with the iron in my hand what would you do?"
Now, I knew the right answer was to turn it off at the main fuse box, it was me who'd questioned the safety of it in the first place. But being the scamp I was, and still am, I said: "I'd throw a bucket of water over you to try and revive you."
She went loopy. And wouldn't have it that I was joking, and just went on and on about it for ages like she'd had a near death experience ("because if it had of happened I would have blah blah blah").
Unknown "Ace" Tired
- 17 years, 7 days ago
