Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says,

"Look Mama! It's a frickin' Elephant!"

Deep breath ... "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"

and so it does ...

" A f r i c a n Elephant "

Hooked on phonics!!! Ain't it wonderful?

Unknown Crazy - 16 years, 11 months, 5 days ago

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog
called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn
into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up
the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog
then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you
want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at
it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog
asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't
have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now
that's cool."

Unknown Crazy - 16 years, 11 months, 5 days ago

When the ark's door was closed Noah called a meeting with all the animals.

"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex on this trip. All of you males take off your penis and hand it in to my sons.

I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After
we see land, you can get your penis back."

After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited. "Quick!" he said, "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!" Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window, and said, "Sorry, no land yet."

"Damn!", exclaimed Mr. Rabbit.

This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. Mrs. Rabbit asked, "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights.

Only after the water has drained will we be able to
see land. But why are you acting so excited every
day?"

"Look!", said Mr. Rabbit with a sly expression, as he
held out a piece of paper, "I GOT THE HORSE'S RECEIPT!

Unknown Crazy - 16 years, 11 months, 6 days ago

In case you missed it. Here is the Washington Post 's Mensa
Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the
dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a
new definition.

The winners are:

Unknown Crazy - 16 years, 11 months, 11 days ago

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Unknown Crazy - 16 years, 11 months, 11 days ago