a few days ago, my owner took me on a trip to the GREAT WALL OF CHINA! little did she know that i was in fact named after the GREAT WALL. in chinese tradition, being the firstborn son of the firstborn son of the firstborn son, it is with great honor and responsibility that i was named as such by my grandfather. i have very big shoes to fill and expectations to meet, which can be very tough at times, since it is hoped that i would be imbued with the same characteristics as the GREAT WALL: steadfast, sturdy, and strong.

speaking of strength, i found it also a coincidence that when it came my parents' time to give me my english name, they unwittingly chose a name that itself means STRONG.

many (too many?) times, i find myself having to take on the role of the strong one: the one to lean on, the shoulder to cry on. but it wears one down, too. it gets tiring. and it gets to a point that you just want to cry. i recall a favorite song of mine by gary valenciano:


WARRIOR IS A CHILD
lately I've been winning battles left and right
but even winners can get wounded in the fight
people say that I'm amazing
i'm strong beyond my years
but they don't see inside of me
i'm hiding all the tears

chorus:
they don't know that I come running home when I fall down
they don't know who picks me up when no one is around
i drop my sword and cry for just a while
'coz deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

unafraid because His armor is the best
but even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
people say that I'm amazing
i never face retreat
but they don't see the enemies
that lay me at His feet

chorus 2x


i hope this song (and its Source) gives strength to you, reader, as much as it has for me. i am not the strong one. He is.
Unknown "BrYaN" Sexy - 16 years, 3 months, 17 days ago

Strictly speaking, this post doesn't pertain to travel, per se. Still, it involves a cross-current of cultures that this blog is all about.

I have always been a fan of Latin culture; Latin-American, in particular. I like music, the language, and of course, the food. I enjoy films by Cuaron and Carrera. I subscribe to authors such as Garcia-Marquez and Coelho, and poets like Neruda.

So when a Costa Rican participant in our medical exchange program took her surgical clerkship here in the Philippines, naturally, I was muy excitado.

Along with the other members of our organization, the Asian Medical Students Association, we spent a lot of time with her (although not as much as I would have liked): introducing her to Philippine customs and culinary delights (read as: adventures in balut and dinuguan), the sights and sounds of Manila to Banawe, and exposing her to healthcare practices that was the core of her surgical clerkship.

Naturally, as all exchange programs go, she, too, imparted the beauty of her own country and culture with us: Costa Rican recipes, coffee secrets, and a personal favorite of mine, the simple experience of listening to her ramble in Spanish (that must be absolutely mundane in meaning, but sounds absolutely beautiful nevertheless).

And when it was time for her to return home, she left with me more than happy memories and a burning desire to visit South American all the more: she left some of us this book, Antologia Major, by purportedly one of the most read poets, held as the national figure of Costa Rican poetry, Jorge Debravo.

I must admit, my fluency in Spanish is far from proportionate to my love of the culture. Needless to say, I barely understood a word of the book (which was written entirely in Spanish, down to the copyright and publication details, and poetry to boot!) But upon further investigation (thanks to the Rosetta Stone that is the internet), I learned that Debravo is known for his simplicity of verse and humanistic content--a characteristic and theme which make persevering to understand his work a slightly less daunting task. There is hope!

On the inner fly leaf of the book, my Costa Rican friend writes: "I hope you enjoy this book as much as I have enjoyed your country." Beatriz, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I look forward to reading this book as much as I look forward to visiting your country.

Muchas gracias!

(Indiscutiblemente uno de los poetas costarricenses más leídos. Debravo es quizá la figura más relevante de la poesía nacional, no sólo por la sencillez de su verso, sino también por el intenso humanismo del contenido, que va desde la exaltación del amor sexual hasta esa obsesión tan suya del amor y la justicia para el prójimo.)
Unknown "BrYaN" Sexy - 16 years, 3 months, 20 days ago

today marks my dad's 10th month death anniversary, and my parents' 27th wedding anniversary--my mom's 1st without my dad. we were a VERY close family of 4. and with my sister gone off to work in shanghai, our number has been reduced to half in a span of 10 rough months.

death of a close family member (or friend) isn't really something one recovers from--ever. i learned this vicariously because one of my methods of dealing with grief especially in the early part of the mourning period was to surround myself with friends my age who have all lost a parent or two already; a support group, if you will. it helps to hear their opinions, their experiences, their consolations. but most of all, it helps just to sit and be quiet, around people whom you know understand EXACTLY how you feel. i know they know my grief. i know they feel my pain. i know that my loss is their loss.

my support group began with close friends--around 3--and soon came to include others whom i knew for quite a while, but never really got to talking to because we never had anything in common. it also came to include people who lost a parent within the past 10 months. now, our numbers are close to a dozen, with each one his or her own story, and his or her own reason for seeking comfort in people who understand us. sometimes, all 12 of us watch movies together, hang out at each others' houses, call each other on the phone, sit at cafe's until the wee hours of the morning chatting about anything at all. all of these, things we'd never done before, much less with this group of people.

what began as a mourning of loss was slowly turning into a celebration of what we have. in the loss of our loved ones, we each found something to love in each other. not that friendship is any replacement for family, but it certainly eases the pain. death is a void that something--friends, work, vice, God--has to fill. we all go about it in our own ways. but every time, in our loss, we find something. thus, i pray that, to all of you out there who have lost a loved one, may you fill your void with something that makes you a better person. and that when you are ready to move on, may your initial grief and loss be fertile ground for the seeds of good intention to be sown.

"it's not what we hold in our hands that is ours. it is what is left when we open them--and let go." -"the matrix"
Unknown "BrYaN" Sexy - 16 years, 3 months, 21 days ago

OK. so this is my first tale. i'm still figuring out how this HUMAN PETS thing works, when i couldn't get around the question of HOW MUCH AM I WORTH?

i really punished my abs in the gym today (and tomorrow, my abs will punish me back for sure). does that increase my WORTH?

i'll be studying mycology and obstetrics and gynecology until the wee hours of the morning tomorrow. does that increase my WORTH?

i'm helping a 16-year-old boy get an A in his biology test tomorrow. does that increase my WORTH?

fact of the matter is, none of these things do. but at the same time, all of these things do. this is because WORTH is always defined by the person to whom the item concerned is being considered; id est, worth is relative.

that being said, it is true that it is possible for society (among other institutions) to bestow a quantitative measure on an object (or a person), thereby insinuating some sort of objective WORTH to it. in turn, society (and other institutions) likewise reject or accept this purported WORTH until we all come to a balance or an agreement.

in this stalemate, so it seems, the more important (and perhaps only WORTH-Y) consideration in questions of worth is not HOW MUCH AM I WORTH, but AM I AWARE OF MY SELF-WORTH?

in this day and age of superficialities and conformity, it is imperative to not lose oneself in the back-and-forth wall-street trading of ourselves. hang on to who you are. what YOU think YOU are worth. know that you are LOVED and are WORTHY of being loved.

"he biggest obstacle to love, is the secret fear of not being worthy of being loved." -juan pablo valdes
Unknown "BrYaN" Sexy - 16 years, 3 months, 23 days ago