Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild healthcare is 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me, and I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
Unknown "My Love" Peaceful - 16 years, 4 months, 29 days ago

Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, alright 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: Uh, Leprosy? Flesh Eating Bacteria. Hot Dog Fingers. Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection?
Unknown "My Love" Peaceful - 16 years, 4 months, 29 days ago

Dwight Schrute: Let me describe the perfect date: I take her out to a nice dinner. She looks amazing. Some guy tries to hit on her... now he wants to fight- so I grab him- I throw him into the jukebox! Then the other ninja's got a knife, he comes at me, we grapple, I turn his knife on him. Blood on the dance floor. She's scared now. I take her home. I'm holding her in my arms. I reach in for a kiss... I hear something in the leaves, I flip her around, she gets a poison arrow right in her back. She was in on it the whole time... but I knew.
Unknown "My Love" Peaceful - 16 years, 4 months, 29 days ago

Roy: Hey, Jimmy, what do you think about the purse girl?
Jim Halpert: Cute, sure, yeah.
Roy: Why don't you get on that?
Jim Halpert: She's not really my type.
Roy: What are you, gay?
Jim Halpert: Mmm. I don't think so. No.
Kevin: Well what is your type?
Jim Halpert: Moms, primarily. Yep, soccer moms, single moms, NASCAR moms, any type of mom really.
Roy: That's disgusting.
Kevin: Stay away from my mom.
Jim Halpert: Too late, Kev.
Unknown "My Love" Peaceful - 16 years, 4 months, 29 days ago

Michael Scott: ...some burritos or some colored greens or some pad thai.
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael Scott: What?
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael Scott: That doesn't make sense. You don't call them 'collard people'... that's offensive.
Unknown "My Love" Peaceful - 16 years, 4 months, 29 days ago