I fell a while ago ... thought I'd stay down here, in case I fall again - it wouldn't hurt as much.
Okay, so its not true; I did get up ... but no one was looking.
I've put myself back down so others realize I can get up on my own ... as if up actually means anything. Well, it does seem to mean something to others, but I just don't get it. I don't see what's so glorious about "up there." However many "theres" they say there seems to be.
Up here, up there ... rise to the top, just high enough to see that over the wall, there are others giggling because they see an ant head peeping over a tiny stick on the ground, and they're looking at me. It doesn't matter where I go, who's comparing who to whom - I'm just that little ant, and I'll always be that little ant, even if, when I look down, I have ants of my own peeping over my own little stick on the ground, for me to look at, when I look down.
Now, I've seen the multiple "theres" that they claim there are. So I know what they see ... I just no longer believe. I do believe they see what they see. But they only see what they want there to be.
When they look at that ant, they'll never see themselves.
But when I look at that ant, the ant that I see, the only thing that ant could ever be is me. And from this I can also know that when I look over that wall, it's another me that I see, when I look up.
So I don't look up. Not because I don't believe, but because I know that up will always be there, and I know what's there. I'm there. And I know I'm there. But I'm also here, and down there, too. And I know that I'm down there, and I don't look down; I don't need to look down. I don't look down because I know that it's me down there, too, and I'll always be there.
Because, really ... when I look down, I become down there. And when I look up from down there, I see the same me that I expect to see when looking up as if I had never gone down, so I don't realize I have become the me down there ... but I have. I am now down there. Everything still looks the same, but I am now down there. There is even another "down there" from the new here ... which is actually the old "down there." Although I am still a "me," I am not me. I will always be "a" me, but I don't what that. I only want to be me. I don't want to be "down there." I don't what to be the "down there" me. I only want to be me.
There are an infinite "down theres." They all look the same. All the me's are alike, but they are not the same. They are not me. I don't want to be them.
Up is like down. It's just different. It's up ... not down.
There is no glory down there. There may have been glory down there then, but it's not there, now. Down there, they have images of glory - they're two dimensional and pinned to the wall. But that's no glory. The longer I look, the more I realize that that glory is really a masked sadness. That's how I've learned to tell when I am the me down there, and not really the me that I want to be - I have to look at the glory for a long time ... really look. Again, up is like down. But I can put my hand through this glory, like its a ghost ... but the longer I look at this glory, the more faded it becomes ... or worse yet, the more faded I become.
Funny how when I am me, there is no glory ... there is joy in this. There is joy in not feeling glory now. Glory is never seen, now. Glory cannot be seen, now ... here. Glory can only be seen "down there," by someone like me, when then becomes now. I'd rather be in the now when glory cannot be seen, than in the now that's then when the glory hangs on the wall ... fading to sadness.
I have learned how to navigate this place. I have learned how to stay put, not stagnant, but not up and not down.
I have found the middle way.
Unknown "Mon βien-Aimé" Playful
- 15 years, 9 months, 18 days ago
Independent yet still part of a large community, frogs are unique creatures known for their distinctive sound and ability to hop. As a frog, you spend your days sitting on lily pads or climbing trees, searching for delicious insects to eat. While there are some frogs that aren't exactly cute, you are certainly not one of those!
