Disorder in the Court - I luv this book :D

What is your brother-in-law's name?
Borofkin.
What's his first name?
I can't remember.
He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!

Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people?
All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Were you aquainted with the deceased?
Yes, sir.
Before or after he died?

Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
No.
What was he doing with the dog's ears?
Picking them up in the air.
Where was the dog at this time?
Attached to the ears.

...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
The victim lived.

What is the meaning of sperm being present?
It indicates intercourse.
Male sperm?
That is the only kind I know.

Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?

Unknown " me play thing !" Playful - 16 years, 6 months, 16 days ago

Only in Britain….

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the
back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive
and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating
rink.

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening
bottles of beer with their teeth.

and finally.........

in 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet

Unknown " me play thing !" Playful - 16 years, 8 months ago