~ DESIDERATA ~
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time................
Cobblehill Max "Loved to the Max" Sparkling - 15 years, 7 months, 7 days ago

~ DESIDERATA ~

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit......


Cobblehill Max "Loved to the Max" Sparkling - 15 years, 7 months, 7 days ago

And then the fight started.................... LOL

When I got home Friday night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive....

So, I took her to a gas station.....

And then the fight started....

****

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said,

"Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

****

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallett home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later. The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt". So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me". And
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten Disability, too".

And then the fight started.....

****

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started ...

****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started.....

****

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

****

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started.....

****

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me
a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

And then the fight started.....

Cobblehill Max "Loved to the Max" Sparkling - 15 years, 9 months, 27 days ago

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?
This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan .
After spending a great evening chatting the night
away, The next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,



'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied,
'They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked,
'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

Without looking up the old man said,
'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said,

'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted.

'Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!'

Meet Coldwater...............



Cobblehill Max "Loved to the Max" Sparkling - 15 years, 9 months, 27 days ago

The History of the Middle Finger
Well, now......here's something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').
Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
IT IS STILL AN APPROPRIATE SALUTE TO THE FRENCH TODAY!
And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing




Cobblehill Max "Loved to the Max" Sparkling - 15 years, 10 months, 10 days ago