Musician, poet, composer, photographer...
Divorced father of three, 35, hair's starting to grey.
Every woman's fantasy, no?
I'm a writer of music, prose, and whatever else helps me release my demons. I'm currently working on my first official demo recording, hoping more to sell a song or two than get discovered, signed to a record deal, and become fawned over by young ladies with self image issues. I have two screenplays that I have been working on for at least fifteen years. I'm an amateur web designer, photographer, and Photoshop user. By trade, I'm a drywall finisher, currently being paid by the state thanks to the wonderful housing market we have now in this country.
The ex really did a number on me. The story of my life and relationship with her over the last four to five years would provide at least a month's worth of fodder for the Jerry Springer show. It's damn near impossible for me to trust anyone anymore, but I'm trying. If you manage to gain my trust, God help you should you manage to betray it. Love? I'm not sure I believe in it anymore, aside from what my kids give me. To steal a stolen quote, I'm broken. Hopefully it's not beyond repair, but at the moment the prospect is dim. I don't know that I have it in me anymore to take any chances with what's left of my heart. Too many people have their own little fragment, given freely and wholly at first, then whittled apart for souvenirs against my will. Think you're CSI enough to put the puzzle back together? I'll probably let you try. I'm stupid like that. I care too much, I give too much, and I pay the price alone. Over and over again.
I'm the guy every woman wants her boyfriend or husband to be, heart and soul. They just don't want me. It's a blessing and a curse. It's also lonely as all hell. I have made some truly amazing friends, met some extraordinary people on this site as well as a couple others. I've made connections that I know will last a lifetime. I'm grateful for them, with every ounce of myself, but I do think I would gladly trade all those friends who comfort me in my misery and make me smile when I feel like crying for just one who's able to remove the need for all that.
When Things get rough, when fecal matter is sprayed forcefully about by the swiftly rotating blades of a cooling device, I withdraw. I retreat within myself to find the logic, to find the source, and to find the solution. I deal with things alone. Always have, always will. When I can't, I know where to turn to find the answers I seek, or at least the new points of view I may need to continue searching on my own. I am smart enough to realize when my solitary journey isn't going to be enough, when things are better worked through as a part of a team, but if this isn't one of those times, I'll be back around when I'm satisfied with my progress. If you feel neglected or ignored because of it, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't really care. I can't be your friend right now if I'm unhappy with myself enough to have to go off soul searching for awhile. At this point in my life, I'm not about to let myself decompose and put off fixing myself to keep someone else happy. I have to be what I need myself to be before I can be anything for anyone else. So when those times come, and it seems like I've dropped off the face of the earth, please bear with me. It's nothing personal, unless I specifically tell you so. And if you can't support my need to better myself, well, why would I want you around when I do?
I have all the Guy friends I need. I tend not to get along with guys. There's no reward in it except on those very rare occasions when it matters who you know. If I end up in a chat room, or wherever, and a conversation arises that's interesting or fun, yeah, I might add a guy as a friend. I'm not seeking it out though. My best friends are women, and they're always going to be, with the few exceptions that I have grown to adulthood with and experienced most of my life so far with; their wingman as they are mine. Guy friends are those you know from work or school, or networking in those areas. I didn't join this site in search of a drinking buddy. If you're in a band and want to talk music or you thought something on my page was cool, feel free to drop me a line, though. I'm not a prick, I just have a different focus here.
