hey guys! I have a new tattoo pic up, showing the progress so far of my full sleeve design. I think it's coming along quite nicely :P. Sorry for being away for so long x


Unknown "Elven Boy" Lonely - 16 years, 4 months, 16 days ago

I have always been REALLY cautious about expressing feelings for someone

especially letting it really come out

always

the only difference is

I reached a point

after the way I was treated

and misused/abused etc

and after many many months

of self torture and loneliness

and deep thought

I said

FUCK IT I'm not getting anywhere, least of all what I want

and I just threw it all away

it will never happen if I dwell

and worry

and stress about being mistreated again

so yes, I still worry to no end when I meet someone

BUT

I still put everything I have in

since it won't happen on its own

and the right girl will know what to do with that kind of flowing energy and affection

treat it for what it's worth

and not manipulate

so I fall headlong into the spiral of hope, burning as I fall, but hoping for a soft landing

I am sick of waiting and being scared of expression

because if we don't express how we feel

we are lying to ourselves

if we hold back when we meet someone

they see us as the person they meet

not as the person we are

so what are the chances that person is wrong for me

70-80%?

so I have to totally explode with who I am

many will run, many have

but ffs.....I won't live forever, and I want to be needed, like everybody

and I want to love again

worrying about what might happen keeps you in the hole

there HAS to be a point in your life where you just tell everything that holds you back to just FUCK OFF

and a lot of that life has passed already

so isn't every day supposed to be precious?

I am so done with thinking...I just want to feel and do...end of it

instead of let another 10 years go by in worry

we are afraid of pain

but we hurt ourselves by staying in our holes

unable to grow

unable to feel the warmth

we won't grow

we won't live

we will just stagnate, wallowing in resentment and fear

never believing in anything

hope is nothing without means

and for me

if I feel something that can bring happiness....wtf do you think I will do?

I can die any time, but I'd prefer it to be in happiness and love

think of it like this: think Romeo & Juliet, x that by 10, and thats a watered down normal for me....god wtf is wrong with me....I will be alone forever it

seems

do you know what is scary

every time I try

I make more effort

and I am so cracking under the strain
Unknown "Elven Boy" Lonely - 16 years, 6 months, 9 days ago

New tattoo pics up! The very start of my right arm full sleeve design. check back for updates x
Unknown "Elven Boy" Lonely - 16 years, 6 months, 10 days ago