"I don't usually post song lyrics - I'm usually good enough with my own words, but today I'm just too bummed to actually think, and this pretty much says it all"

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.
Never wanted it to be so cold.
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can't break free until I let it go.
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, ...stay in love with my sorrow.
I'm gonna let it go.

~ "Lithium - Evanescence"
Unknown Lonely - 16 years, 1 month, 29 days ago

I finally found out what happened to that friend of mine - while I was trying not to assume the worst it turns out that the worst was actually true ... she committed suicide.

This upsets me for a variety of reasons, not least because I feel that I should have tried harder - since I did know she was having some issues (she lost someone recently). Then again, you can only try so much if they don't want to open up and talk to you.

I'll admit to being less vigilant over the space of the last few months, because she really did seem to be coming right again - started a new job, started going out and having fun with friends; but this brings me to the next point that upsets me. She had plenty of people around who she could lean on but she didn't.

Taking your own life is not only wrong, its one of the most selfish acts in life - not only do you hurt the people close to you and who care about you; you're telling them that their concern means nothing to you and that they are of no importance.

I'm not the only one I'm sure - there are going to be a lot of people over the next few days who are going to be asking themselves the same question - "Why didn't I notice?"

It's a sickening feeling.
Unknown Lonely - 16 years, 2 months ago

I got news today that one of my friends passed away over the weekend. It's a sad event whenever it happens - we weren't particularly close - but I've known her for a little over 10 years now, and we've recently managed to get back in touch.

I usually find myself less than bothered about people passing on - its a part of life, you accept it and move on - however, I was a little shocked to hear the news this morning - mostly because she was a number of years younger than me (early to mid twenties). Its going to bother me because I don't know what happened - and until I do know, my mind is going to be somewhat restless.
Unknown Lonely - 16 years, 2 months, 1 day ago

Have you ever stood back and taken a stock of your friendships and suddenly realised that you seem to be taken for granted? That your friendships seem to be one-sided? If you haven't I suggest you take a good hard look. The signs are probably there.

It's there if:
- You are always the one who calls (or texts) but rarely, if ever, get anything back
- You're the one who always visits (I'm serious - I've stayed in the same place for 10 years and I can count the number of my friends who visited on my fingers)
- You're willing to travel long distances to visit and meet up - does that get reciprocated.
- Even when you're down in the dumps you'll take the time out to listen to their issues, but they ignore you when they're feeling down.

It's heavily frustrating ... friendship isn't a trade; you're not doing anything in expectation of getting a return - but you want to know that somebody's going to come and meet you halfway - whether its a friend, or a soulmate, or a partner.

I've been stretching, further and further, and I've just reached the point where I feel like I've reached the point where I either snap or collapse back into myself.

Unknown Lonely - 16 years, 2 months, 5 days ago

I reckon I need to start drawing some attention to my anime blog - where I post about anime and manga in general, do a couple of reviews, plus any other fun bits that I come across from time to time.

The blog's not incredibly active at the moment, mostly because I'm short on time, but I'm hoping that after my exams at the end of the year I'll be able to post more regularly - and try and get the main site up and running too.

In the meantime - swing by blog Animated Meanderings - you can find it at http://www.quantumworx.co.za/blog
Unknown Lonely - 16 years, 2 months, 7 days ago