i am restless ........i feel like i am suppose to be looking for some thing like i am not whole yet i have no clue what it is but my soul seems to be lacking ........is it faith, love, mere curiosity or am i uncontented i go on highs and lows for moods but this feeling is always there like if i just looked had enough something would be there i didn't notice before is it in the past or the future or even right now standing right infront of me? i miss my slim waist and high breasts.......i miss my innocence when believing man kind was all good......and the feeling that i seem to be lacking is all these things i feel almost dirty sometimes like i see the manicured princesses with there glow and i feel lacking is it all superficail or more spiritual or even the people in my life (not my babies their the good) oh god i could go on all night but the main question is is am i the only one is there some one with the other half of me out there feeling that same wisper of lonelyness? be it a friend a lover or even a ghost? steve i love you if you read this so don't read to much into it ...........it's late and u are asleep so i only have ghosts and memories to comfort me lol are u a lost soul?
Unknown "my old account" Gloomy - 15 years, 9 months, 17 days ago

i have come to terms that i excepted my bfs proposel and am not so afriad of the idea of marriage too him but everytime i put on my engagement ring i feel like i can't breath. it feels like everything in the world is pushing down on me and the floor is discentigrating beneath my feet? tell me is it wedding gitters as friends would say or is it that i still want to explore the neverending meat market? i am twenty eight that is old enough not to be scared and i do love him.......my heart isn't singing though it doesn't even humm its not that i do not want to be with him i do but the thought of wearing a doialye is not for me...........so i came up with a costum theme and he liked it but then i thought about my granma and gave up that idea too stand up infront of the world and pronounse my undying love seems like a lie because what if we break up i can't lie to everyone i love and i can't lie to him i can't promise anyone but my babies undying love so does that mean i shouldn't marry him or hope we don't get a devorice?
Unknown "my old account" Gloomy - 15 years, 11 months, 13 days ago

so i have begin a new change gaining selfesteem but i have one problem how does one go about doing so when low on your self they tell u to get dressed up then u have to look at your naked ass again and the depression returns (lol) they tell you to go out with friends so you end up hearing people back stab and make fun of others all night and sit there wondering what they say when your gone and your tounge gets tired and lips get chapped because your talking all night sticking up for the other friends that you have the next night you can go out with them and the same thing happens so on top of that you have a swellen face from lack of sleep (joy) you can also go for a walk and being the lost soul that you are gap out on a fantasy or day dream and step in dog shit ............this is not a joke people this is my life lol thank god i have my babies to keep me sane (and meds lol)
Unknown "my old account" Gloomy - 16 years, 1 month, 5 days ago

i recently got face booked by my what if.......we all have one of them the one that got away or we let go as in my case.........he is married now and happy i am as well but it made me realise i had spent almost five years comparing my boyfriends to him and they usually didn't meet up t0 him and after every relationship i'd have at least five minutes where i thought about him and what i'd do if i saw him again man what a waste girls remember enjoy what we have and don't look back cause usually the other person forgot u in a blink and moved on......not that thats bad because usually what we have is what we need not what we had.......
Unknown "my old account" Gloomy - 16 years, 1 month, 11 days ago

when i glance at my reflection i just see a big blob come to suck me dry like the last time my ex kissed me and left me high and dry....................
Unknown "my old account" Gloomy - 16 years, 1 month, 18 days ago