A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.





Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.




The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.




The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'




The man says, 'Yes, it is.'




Boy - 'I have a baseball.'




Man - 'That's nice.'




Boy - 'Want to buy it?'




Man - 'No, thanks.'




Boy - 'My dad's outside.'




Man - 'OK, how much?'




Boy - '$150'




Man - 'Sold.'




In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.




Boy - 'Dark in here.'




Man - 'Yes, it is.'




Boy - 'I have a Wilson infielder's glove.'




The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'




Boy - '$350'




Man - 'Highway robbery. Sold.'




A few days later, the father says to the boy, 'Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'




The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and my glove.'




The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'




The boy says, '$500'




The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.




I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.'




They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.




The boy says, 'Dark in here.'




The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now!


george "Mysterious" Purring - 16 years, 8 months, 26 days ago

Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canucks:





If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live
in Canada.


If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work
there, you may live in Canada.


If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada


If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
wrong number, you may live in Canada


If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend, you may
live in Canada.


If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada


If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live
in Canada


If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again,
you may live in Canada


If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard
without flinching, you may live in Canada


If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both
unlocked, you may live in Canada


If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them,
you may live in Canada


If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may
live in Canada


If the speed limit on the highway is 100km -- you're going 110 and everybody
is passing you, you may live in Canada


If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with
snow, you may live in Canada


If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road
construction, you may live in Canada


If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in
Canada.


If you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly', you may live in Canada




george "Mysterious" Purring - 16 years, 8 months, 26 days ago

After escaping from her overly controlling campaign manager for the evening, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year just after you lose the election."

Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Hillary, who was visibly shaken at this news. Hillary stared back at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She looked back, deep into the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her the big question:

"Will I be acquitted?"
george "Mysterious" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 6 days ago

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.

He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweller said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,"By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweller phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my weekend!"


.....Don't mess with us Old People

steve sent me this one and i had to post it.
george "Mysterious" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 6 days ago

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,

Wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As he walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly,'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

His eyes lit up and he thought, 'I am either still dreaming or This is going
to be my lucky day.'


Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all;
Right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove,her 'T' shirt still
around her neck. A little puzzled, he asked, 'What was that all about?'


She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'


george "Mysterious" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 6 days ago