The Pope's Chauffeur

After getting Pope Benedict’s entire luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and now that I'm Pope, I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!

And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph. (Remember, he's German.)

"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, Dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the driver.”

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," says the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "The President?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

The Chief is stumped, "You been drinking, John?"

Cop: "No Sir."

Chief: "Then what makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope as a chauffeur."


Unknown "Tickle Toy" Inspired - 15 years, 10 months, 20 days ago

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do.

After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed.

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for $10,000. "What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!" So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The old man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer...... ........$2.00
Knowing where to tap......... .......$9,998.00

Lesson to be learned:
"Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort in life makes all the difference"


Unknown "Tickle Toy" Inspired - 16 years, 3 months, 5 days ago

since it is my first tale...i'd like to share a joke i found really hilarious and i'm sure you'll agree...here it goes:

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems?? Listen to mine…

"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and I got myself a stepdaughter.

Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my stepmother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law."

"Much later, the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy is my half-brother because he is my father's son. But he is also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother."

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew & I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"

"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!?"

well, don't ask me how it happens...i'm just as confused as you lol!! :D

Unknown "Tickle Toy" Inspired - 16 years, 9 months, 5 days ago