Here are some X-rated riddles:


Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

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Q What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

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Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

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Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

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Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

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Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

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Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

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Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

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Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

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Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

A. About three inches.

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Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

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Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

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Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

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Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

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Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

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Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

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Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

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Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
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Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A .. They don't have balls to scratch!

Unknown - 16 years, 6 months, 28 days ago

DONT EVER eat chicken a la king unless it was cooked in your own kitchen!
Unknown - 16 years, 8 months ago

A guys goes out with his mates and get shit faced, he has a bit too much to drink and throws up on himslef, Ashamed and worried he says to his mate, " Shit my wife lets me go out for the first time in years and i go and do this she is gonna kill me." His mate says." dont worry it happens to me all the time just take 20 bux put it in your pocket and say the guys next to you at the bar couldnt hold his booze and vomited on you then show her the Money he gave you for the dry cleaning." So the guy agrees that that is a great plan and they carry on drinking like animals! When he finally staggers in the front door in the ealry hours of the morning his wife is standing waiting, " i knew it!" she says, " This is why i dont let you go out.You vomited all over yourself." and he hastily fed her the story of the guy at the bar who vomited on him and gave him 20 bux for dry cleaning. and gave her the money. And she says," you said 20 bux, why is there 40 here?" He says, "Oh i forgot he shat in my pants too.!"
Unknown - 16 years, 8 months, 1 day ago

Classic things to say when stressed
"Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"
"You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"
"How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
"Well this day was a total waste of make-up"
"Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
"Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
"Do I look like a fucking people person!"
"This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"
"I started out with nothing still have most of it left"
"I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me"
"YOU!!... off my planet!!!"
"Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose"
"Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control"
"Errors have been made. Others will be blamed"
"And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be.....?"
"I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."
"Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
"Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"
"Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
"I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
"Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet
Peace!
Unknown - 16 years, 8 months, 1 day ago

Tips for men! If you go to sleep and you have not satisfied your lady then you have failed to fulfill your duty as a man! Sex is not about the man its all about the lady! Men need to do everything and anything to make 100% sure that his lady is well taken care of in that department

Keep The Funk Alive!!!!


Unknown - 16 years, 8 months, 2 days ago