Am trying to figure out who to trust and who to believe. After 34 years I should have worked that one out already right? But I don't have a clue. I guess its going to just have to be me. I always have my best interests at heart even though I sometimes take a while to get there, I always stick up for me when I know I'm right, I never mentally abuse myself, I make myself cups of tea when I'm feeling low, and even though it may really really hurt sometimes I am always honest with myself. Guess some people are really lucky and have that in their lives from at least one person but I never have and I really dont know right now whether I'm getting further away from that goal or closer to it. A family member made me laugh the other day by saying 'Chessy, you are the best most wonderful and funniest person I know so can you please finally meet someone who doesnt completely suck?" :)

Well, I did. Me.
Unknown "Sweet Trouble" Lonely - 16 years, 6 months, 15 days ago

why is it always so hard to say the stuff we really want to the people we really care about? We don't get pulled aside when we're kids and told not to show emotion do we? I love my kids and I make sure that they know it's ok to cry. Not when they just don't get their way, which is unfortunately why a lot of people cry. But when they're sad, or frustrated. That it's ok to be mad and smack their pillows. I'll lie next to them when they're mad and punch pillows with them and scream angrily until we're laughing. I need them to know it's ok to do that. I tell them every single day that I love them as I want them to know how important it is to say that and that if you do love someone you need to tell them as even if they don't feel it back at least you'll never regret not saying it. I want them to know that they are the most important people in the world and they should never settle for second best as they are worth far too much for that. I want them to be everything that they can be, no matter what that is. We teach things like this to our kids everyday as we love them, but sometimes us adults need someone to remind us of that. Parents also taught us that and yet when we grow up it suddenly no longer seems important. At what point do you say enough is enough and try to get back the feeling that you are important and you do count? Guess we could learn a lot from our kids and should do it fast before we screw up things that are important to us.
Unknown "Sweet Trouble" Lonely - 16 years, 7 months, 16 days ago

my worst ever job? Selling raw herring on the promenade in Scheveningen, Holland. Raw you say? Yes that's right, raw. Head sliced off, cut in half, filled with onions and then the Dutch will throw their heads back and slowly lower the fish down their throats, biting it off at the tail. Sound gross? Yes indeed it is. But try selling it. Wonderful boss. Only 48 F and yet I had to wear a tiny shirt to try and attract people to this herring stand. If the tiny shirt was not enough they also gave me a fucking bell the size of the Liberty and I had to ring that whilst wandering around the pier. Embarrassed? you ask. You have no idea! I exclaim. Raw fish covered in onions is also very slippery. I thought I had a firm grip but the little bugger started to get away from me. As I only had one hand free I tried to clutch it to my chest to steady it, only for it to slip out of my hand completely. Where did it go? It didn't! You cry. It fucking well did! I answer. After a very short journey it came to rest right in the middle of my cleavage, but slightly too far down for me to grab without appearing as though I was groping myself. Enter my wonderful boss again. Can I go to the bathroom? No. You only have 30 minutes left so you'll have to wait. Fine. I tuck the rest of the tail in so as not to scare off any potential customers and carry on with my duties. Hadn't noticed the tail had reappeared at some point. "I'll have that one" said a tiny grinning old man pointing at my left tit. Realised what he was pointing at just before I slugged him. The fish then worked it's way out, must have been something to do with the movement caused by walking and when I bent over to pick something up from the floor it flopped onto the ground. Stares? You ask. Yes. I answer. Those who happened to be walking passed right at the moment were rather confused as to where the fish had just materialised from. Get on the bus at the end of the day. Whole bus is empty. Then the nutter gets on. He walks all the way to the back and practically sits on top of me. What did you do? you ask. Nothing. I say. I guess he must have smelt the fish as after bending closer to me to say/do something I have never seen anyone leave so fast in my life. Guess that little fish did have something going for it after all :)
Unknown "Sweet Trouble" Lonely - 16 years, 7 months, 21 days ago

horseback riding. Is it just me or is this just putting in a word for the heck of it? Does 'horse riding' not already adequately describe the activity you will be undertaking? I was just asking as I hope I am not alone in assuming that it is indeed the horses back you would be sitting on. For all those riding the horses arse please feel free to use the term 'horsearse riding' as this would initially not be as obvious :)
Unknown "Sweet Trouble" Lonely - 16 years, 7 months, 22 days ago

If anyone wants any of my pets then for god's sake please buy them!!! I got over-enthusiastic when I first joined and now I can't shift any of them! There are only one or two that I would actually buy back as I do need someone to grab me a beer when I want one ;-)

Update: OK, all pets have gone. Have one more I can sell. Touch my other one at your own peril ;-)
Unknown "Sweet Trouble" Lonely - 16 years, 7 months, 22 days ago