One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."


Unknown "Jaynie" Adventurous - 16 years, 3 months ago

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face.
He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face.
So he decides to crawl the 4 miles home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?"
He asks as he puts on an innocent look. "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."


Unknown "Jaynie" Adventurous - 16 years, 3 months, 27 days ago

There's a big conference of beer producers. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.
The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.
Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!
"Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.
"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, than neither will I."
Unknown "Jaynie" Adventurous - 16 years, 4 months, 2 days ago

A man walks into a bar with a monkey he had just bought at the pet store. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The monkey jumps down off his shoulder and runs over to the pool table and ate the cue-ball.
The bartender says "Your monkey just ate the cue-ball!!! GET OUT NOW!!" so the man picks up the monkey and leaves.
Two months later the same man comes back with the monkey on a leash. The monkey jumps off his shoulder and grabs a peanut, shoves it up his ass, pulls it out then eats it.
The bartender says " Did your monkey just shove a peanut up his ass then eat it?"
The man says "Yeah ever since the cue-ball incident he checks everything for size"

Unknown "Jaynie" Adventurous - 16 years, 4 months, 2 days ago

I know I promised I would have pics up this weekend but my scanner is on the fritz. I am a little behind in the times as only last week I got my first computer. I don't own a digital camera and my webcam is still in the box. I have a few pics on my phone but not good quality. I look a lot like my owner (my favorite cousin Jenn who, for perfectly good reasons, is not allowed to party with me anymore...lol). There are 3 of us cousins, born in the same year, who look alike - Jenn, Jess and me Jay! I'd say we could pass for triplets! We all have the Peddle eyes!
Unknown "Jaynie" Adventurous - 16 years, 4 months, 6 days ago