I feel bad. People think I'm ignoring them but really, my computer crashed and I haven't gotten the money to get it fixed yet. I can only check this from my phone and it doesn't let me do much. Right now, I'm using my friends computer while he showers. So please don't be mad people!!!
DuhDuh "Thalia" Hopeless - 16 years, 1 month, 26 days ago

News, news, news! So I got a new job yesterday, start Tuesday. I'm going through everything I need to go into the National Guard, plan on going into bootcamp in around 45 days. no more piercings after that...shitty, oh well. Trying to find ideas for a coverup of a tattoo on my wrist cause it could be 'offensive', gotta get that done this week so it can start healing by next week. Cutting down smoking right now, gotta quit VERY soon...starting to have more chest pains more often...need to quit super bad. Got everything planned out so far minus how long it'll all take. Working this job about a month, handing them the paper from the Guard saying I was leaving and to keep my job open for when I get back, do all my training, come home a week, go to Cali a week, get some ink out there and visit a few friends, check out the ocean, come home, go to the city, apartment hunt, hopefully within two weeks of apartment hunting I'll have found a place. I was told recently that I'm not motivated enough. I explained that if I had something to work towards and look forward to, I am. Well, now I do. My motivation is me getting out of here, enjoying myself for a couple weeks after I'm done getting my ass reamed, and moving away from home, living with friends, starting over a good chunk of my life that I've been needing to. Fuck yes, fuck you, I'm doing it.
DuhDuh "Thalia" Hopeless - 16 years, 2 months, 29 days ago

I've decided, I'm through writing. I've come to realize, it's so much easier to write of things you want and don't have, than what's right in front of you. I don't want to write of love and caring anymore, so I'm through writing. I wrote my last piece tonight, and I doubt I'll have the inspiration to pick it back up at all. So thanks to those that have read and laughed along with some of mine. I hope if it made you smile at all, you felt it was worth your read.
DuhDuh "Thalia" Hopeless - 16 years, 3 months, 4 days ago

I'm a jerk.
DuhDuh "Thalia" Hopeless - 16 years, 3 months, 10 days ago

One of my favorite quotes I ever read:
'Love is a hideous bitch goddess'...I can't remember who wrote it.

Another is:
'We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.'
- Sigmund Freud

And one more:
'I said 'I just want to know you and then disappear.'
she said 'Knowing me does not mean dying'
-Rumi


All of these are true yet have false intentions to each. Love is hideous at times, but only when love is not received as much as it is given, when it is received, it becomes that goddess once again and could make you smile as you walk along broken glass soaked in poison, just knowing when you get to the end, you'll have that one moment.

We ARE defenseless when we love at times, something we normally don't realize until we feel we NEEDED to defend ourselves and couldn't. Other times, we can love without showing, we can love without needing to feel it reciprocated, and other times we will love from afar only to defend ourselves by keeping that distance. Some people think that if you don't let yourselves get close enough, you can't get hurt. It's not true. All you do is hurt yourself by doing so, by not letting yourself feel that heroin of a feeling.

And Rumi is also somewhat right. To know someone doesn't mean to die...not physically at least. When you meet someone and care for them, there's one of two things it can do to you. This person and their actions and emotions towards you can either nurture you or destroy you. Each person you meet gives you something that you can keep and takes something from you that, depending on how much of you they take and how many had before them, you can never gain back.

So for all of these people, they have the gist of things, as do I...at least for myself. I think you choose who you let in, some may surprise you by passing those walls faster than others, and those are the ones you need to watch out for. The ones that seem like they are everything you'd ever dream of in a person. These people are the ones who work hard for your trust and affection in the beginning and then falter after that 'new car smell' has left the 'relationship' that you both have been claiming to enjoy.

As of now, all I can say is fuck this whole love thing, relationships of any kind, and anyone that can't comprehend that when someone cares about you and you claim to care about them, it's better to show it instead of saying it, and not do hurtful cruel things in the meantime.

Rot in hell, you lying jerk.
DuhDuh "Thalia" Hopeless - 16 years, 3 months, 12 days ago