It's been two, three years, I guess, since I last cut myself. But I constantly run into moments where I am forced to face the facts (again) because of others. This year, so far, I've had two encounters. The first one was much easier to deal with, because the curious one was a little girl, and children are always curious.

Being a child, she was naturally shorter than me, so I guess she had a direct view of the scars running along my arm. I was in line waiting for the cashier to ring up my purchases, when I noticed her staring at me. I smiled at her and she asked, "What happened?"

And I noticed her gaze was pointing at my arm. Caught off guard (because it had been a while since someone last became curious, and because it was a child), I didn't know what to say for a while. But I quickly recovered. I smiled at her and said, "Oh, it's nothing." I wasn't angry. A child and a stranger. What did it matter.

My second encounter is very recent. And this time, the curious one was a friend, although not a very close one, but a friend nonetheless. Actually, it was just yesterday.

Yesterday was a hot day, and I was wearing a short sleeve shirt (but I usually do). She noticed and pointed out that I had a lot of scars. Too many to be accidents, I suppose. Then she asked, "What? Did you try to kill yourself too many times?"

Again, I was unnerved. Why now? Why hadn't she asked before? I guess it's because I get cold easily and tend to wear jackets and such. It had been a while since any one curious enough came along.

I answered her, "No." And it was the truth.

I don't think it was a satisfying answer, not to her and not to me. Then again, no one has ever directly asked the questions. I guess they are too afraid to know the answer, because they are already 90-something percent sure of the answer. But, there's always a desire for confirmation, right?

The questions they really want to ask are probably: Do/did you cut yourself? And WHY?

Always the 'why'. Of course, these weren't the questions the little girl wanted to ask, but most others would. I guess, what I mean is, how many more of these confrontations will I have to go through?
Unknown "Babe" Tired - 16 years, 6 months, 18 days ago

Went to get boba again today. For the first time in my life, I actually didn't feel like getting it. Weird. I only got it because my brother wanted chips, and it was on the way. Wanted to go to the Lunar New Year festival near by, but I had no one to go with, and by the time I decided I didn't mind going by myself, it was already too late to have any fun there alone. So, I spent the day playing games from orisinal.com. My favorite one is the bunny w/the Xmas bells, mostly just because I have a fondness for rabbits/bunnies. Although I didn't really get to go out, it was still a fun day.
Unknown "Babe" Tired - 16 years, 9 months, 26 days ago