A Somalian man arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,
"Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me
housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!" The
passerby says, "You are mistaken; I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having
such a beautiful country here in America !" The person says, "I not
American; I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That
person puts up his hand and says, "I am from the Middle East; I am not
American!"

He finally sees a nice-looking lady and asks, "Are you an American?" She says
"No, I am from Africa!" Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work!"
Unknown "Andy Pandy" Ecstatic - 16 years, 10 months, 13 days ago

A man owned a small building business in northern Michigan . One day the State of Michigan Hourly Wage Department contacted him and claimed that he was not paying proper hourly wages to his employees.
They sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the builder, "there's my master carpenter who's been with me for 10 years, so I pay him $15 .00 an hour and give him the use of the company pick-up truck, plus benefits. Then there is our apprentice carpenter who I pay $ 10.00 an hour, plus benefits. Also, a half-wit works here, who puts in about 18- hours a day, does about 50% of the work and buys his own truck. He makes about $1.00 an hour and gets no benefits. I buy him a fifth of vodka every week and he quite often sleeps with my wife."

The agent exclaimed, "That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit!"

The builder replied, "That would be me."
Unknown "Andy Pandy" Ecstatic - 16 years, 10 months, 13 days ago

A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman.

'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice, 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.'

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door.

The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it'

She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question, 'Do you have vagina?'

'Yes' she says.

The man replies, 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours?'
Unknown "Andy Pandy" Ecstatic - 16 years, 10 months, 13 days ago

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,

“I look horrible. I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.”

The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

He never even heard the shot!
Unknown "Andy Pandy" Ecstatic - 16 years, 10 months, 13 days ago

A large woman put on a dress and asked her husband if the dress made her look different.
Her husband said, " You’re asking the wrong person, I saw you before you put it on.
Unknown "Andy Pandy" Ecstatic - 16 years, 10 months, 13 days ago