I don't know how to handle this anymore. I feel as if I'm alone in my life. I had had this amazing woman in my life the past 5 years and if feels as if she is slipping away through the cracks. My heart can't take any more of her games. We were once one of the most happy couples around. But as time went on it seems that this relationship is in its final hour. She is my best friend and one of the only friends I have. I have built my life around this person. We have grown together so much in the past two years as we have an apartment together.
Living with her has been an honor as I have had some of the most fun times in my life. She is the most lively, exciting, amazing woman I have ever known. She makes me want to wake up in the morning just so I can see her again. She has an addicting personality that makes you want to be closer and closer to her. I don't think I have ever loved somebody so much in my life. I would take a bullet for this girl any time, any day, and any place. About all my high school memories were with her (prom 2x, graduation, senior year, semi-formal, 3 years).
I want to marry this girl more than anything I have ever wanted. She is the only person in this world that knows everything about me. I honestly do not have any secrets that she doesn't know. I have opened up my whole self to her. I want her to be in my life forever. But.....................
Nobody is perfect. She has several flaws that sometimes make me think otherwise of what I just said. She is a gorgeous girl with a killer body that any guy would want to get their hands on. The problem is she thrives on that attention from other guys. If somebody thinks she is really hot then she becomes good friends with them it seems. The problem is she doesn't tell them to stop or pretty much doesn't care that she has me.
She has cheated on me once and have had two other boyfriends while dating me. She claims she is a party girl that loves to drink. Ok nothing wrong with that. But she can't control her self one bit with alcohol in her. That would make any boyfriend freak out whenever she wants to go to a party. She pretty much lives the single life but wants me in it. There are so many things going through my head it is insane. Since she cheated on me once the trust has been gone. We have had no trust for about two years now. Every once in a while I started trusting her again but she just can't stop flirting with guys. I seriously do not want to leave her.
I admit I am not a very outgoing guy and probably is why I don't have many friends. Hell I pretty much lost my best friend Clayton because I'm not outgoing. Plus I was spending a lot of time with Robin. I am also not a very big party person. I got trashed way too many times in middle school and my stomach never has dealt with alcohol very well since. Plus the fact that Robin gets trashed and I sometimes feel I have to watch her hoping she doesn't cheat on me again. I have this obcessive worry that she is going to do it again. She tells me all the time that she wants to be with me forever but her actions say otherwise. Plus she has a tendency to lie to me all the time.
I also have a little problem. I get a little over the top angry anymore when she does this stuff. I call her names that she doesn't deserve to be called. I also get so mad I break a couple things. I admit I have an anger problem. I think I just want us to work out so much and when she does this stuff and hurts me more I just lose it. She doesn't deserve much of anything I do when I'm angry and I'm so soo sorry about it Robin. I also was hanging out with a girl too much junior year of high school. I thought Samantha was pretty much I never wanted to be with her. She had a kid and I never wanted that yet. I just needed a different friend other than Robin to talk to. Robin thought that I really wanted her and considers that unfaithful and cheating. Which compared to her was nothing.
Robin even offered a threesome to me. I denied it. I am so faithful and devoted to her that I couldn't care less if I never have sex with another girl. I am so in love with this girl that I will be faithful to her. She is the total opposite of me though.
I still to this day do not have many friends. Sure I have people that say hi to me sometimes or wondering what I have been up to. Other than that I just hang out with my Robin. I wish some people would want to hang out with me or something but I just feel abandoned sometimes. I try and make new friends but I just turn out to be an acquaintance most of the time. I get really depressed sometimes because of it.
One other problem is my job. I have a shitty high school job still. I help Robin get to work since she can't drive and I pay for gas. I also pay for the internet. I have been wanting to get her an engagement ring for the longest time but can't afford it. I have been to 5 interviews the past two years and can't find another job. I feel like a complete failure to her. I feel like I am so trapped in life.
I don't know if this relationship is worth keeping anymore. She hurts me and I hurt her too much. I don't know if I can take it anymore. Well thanks for reading about my fucked up life. Sorry if you wasted 10 minutes reading this but I just had to get it o
Unknown "Snuggle Bunny" Neglected
- 16 years, 2 months, 27 days ago
