A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous blonde walked by and the man immediately got an erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, "Did you call for me?"

The man replied, "No, what do you mean?"

She said, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her, and let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities and entered the sauna. As he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.

"Did you call for me?" asked the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer.

"You must be new;" answered the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The man spun him around, put him over a bench, and had his way with him.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling receptionist who asked "May I help you?"

"Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and can keep the £500 membership fee."

"But sir," she replied, "you've only been here a few hours and haven't even had a chance to see all our facilities."

"Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I get an erection once a month and I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!"
Unknown Lazy - 16 years, 8 months, 14 days ago

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.

After a little while the little boy says, "Dark in here.

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a football."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "£250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have football boots."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "OK How much this time?"

Boy - "£750"

Man - "Sold."

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for and to who?"

The boy says, "To a friend of mine for a £1,000."

The father says, "That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that". "That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sin."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here".

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now"!!

Unknown Lazy - 16 years, 8 months, 21 days ago

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud) English - Chinese


That's not right! (Sum Ting Wong)

Are you harbouring a fugitive? (Hu Yu Hai Ding)

See me ASAP ( Kum Hia Nao)

Stupid Man (Dum Fuk)

Small Horse (Tai Ni Po Ni)



Did you go to the beach? (Wai Yu So Tan)

I bumped into a coffee table! (Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni)

I think you need a face lift! (Chin Tu Fat)



It's very dark in here! (Wai So Dim)

I thought you were on a diet! (Wai Yu Mun Ching)

This is a tow away zone! (No Pah King)


Our meeting is scheduled for next week! ( Wai Yu Kum Nao)



Staying out of sight (Lei Ying Lo)

He's cleaning his automobile (Wa Shing Ka)

Your body odour is offensive (Yu Stin Ki Pu)

Great (Fa Kin Su Pa)

Unknown Lazy - 16 years, 8 months, 21 days ago

A guy walked into the local Job Centre, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just hate collecting the dole. I’d really rather have a job."
The fella behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You’ll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is £200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You’re bullshittin’ me!"
The DSS fella said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it.

Unknown Lazy - 16 years, 8 months, 21 days ago

Steve and Rob fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Pound.
Steve said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'
He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.
Rob said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!' Steve replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Rob said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'
Steve replied, with a smile. 'Don't ! worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'
They downed their drinks. Steve said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.
At the tenth pub Rob said 'Steve - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!'
Steve said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub.

Unknown Lazy - 16 years, 8 months, 21 days ago