THE GAY FLIGHT ATTENDANT

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
seemed
to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
told
us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be

landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just
put
your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear
me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo,
so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well,
sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.

Tray-up, Bitch."



Unknown "Squishy Babe" Sleepy - 16 years, 6 months, 11 days ago

My First Time Ever..

The sky was dark, the moon was high.
All alone, just her and I.
Her hair so soft, her eyes so blue.
I knew just what, she wanted to do.

Her skin so soft, her legs so fine.
I ran my fingers down her spine.
I didn't know how but I tried my best,
I started by putting my hand on her breast.
I remember my fear, my fast beating heart,
but slowly she spread her legs apart.

But when I did it I felt no shame,
and all at once, the white stuff came.
At last it's finished..
It's all over now..
My first time ever..milking a cow.
Unknown "Squishy Babe" Sleepy - 16 years, 7 months, 23 days ago

How to shower like a woman:

a.. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to whites and
coloured.

b.. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

c.. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

d.. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups.

e.. Get in shower.

f.. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone.

g.. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

h.. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.

i.. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil,
leave on hair for 15 minutes.

j.. Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.

k.. Wash entire rest of body with ginger-nut and Jaffa cake body wash.

l.. Shave armpits and legs.

m.. Turn off shower.

n.. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex.

o.. Get out of shower.

p.. Dry with towel the size of a small country.

q.. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

r.. Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs.

s.. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

t.. If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.


===============================================================

How to Shower Like A Man:


a.. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.

b.. Leave in a pile.

c.. Walk naked to the bathroom.

d.. If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound

e.. Look at manly physique in the mirror.

f.. Admire size of your knob and scratch your ass.

g.. Get in the shower.

h.. Wash your face.

i.. Wash your armpits.

j.. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

k.. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

l.. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

m.. Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.

n.. Shampoo hair.

o.. Make shampoo mohawk.

p.. Pee.

q.. Rinse off and get out of shower.

r.. Partially dry-off.

s.. Fail to notice water on floor.

t.. Admire knob size in mirror again.

u.. Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

v.. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

w.. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again.

x.. Throw wet towel on bed.


Unknown "Squishy Babe" Sleepy - 16 years, 7 months, 25 days ago

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.
They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop”.


Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans"
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.
The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mom fainted!
Unknown "Squishy Babe" Sleepy - 16 years, 7 months, 25 days ago

If oneday you feel like crying,call me..I cant promise I will make you laugh but I can cry with you..
If oneday you want to run away,dont be afraid to call me..I dont promise to ask you to stop but I can run with you..
If oneday you dont wanna listen to anybody,call me and I promise to be very quiet..
But if oneday you call and there is no answer..
come fast to see me..
perhaps I need you..
Unknown "Squishy Babe" Sleepy - 16 years, 7 months, 25 days ago