A man went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!'

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."

"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."

Unknown "sinful fraul " Carefree - 16 years, 3 months, 28 days ago

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"

The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."

Unknown "sinful fraul " Carefree - 16 years, 3 months, 28 days ago

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!"

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.


Unknown "sinful fraul " Carefree - 16 years, 3 months, 28 days ago

FUNNIEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER Carla and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

@@@@@@@@@

Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lot to for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
Unknown "sinful fraul " Carefree - 16 years, 5 months, 16 days ago

Nice sentence


3 Easy Ways to Die :


Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.

Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.

Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.



1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells

her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.



2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD

After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY


3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..


4.. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.


6.. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..

Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.



7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.

If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.



8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.



9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.

Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
Unknown "sinful fraul " Carefree - 16 years, 5 months, 25 days ago