"Picking up the pieces"
by, Kamari
I sat by myself for a while
I layed by myself for a while
No one to visit me
People too broken up to say hello
Mostly because they believed I could not
That I could not hear them
Just because I lay dreaming for a little while
A dream I could not wake from
A "coma" I think they called it
My minds temporary break from the obvious
A vacation from what is to come
What is to be and who I am to face
I was thought to not wake
Although in my dreams I dwelled for only an hour
On the out a day had passed
Confused, damaged, abused and seperated
That is the reality of my minds eye
Chained to the darkness
Held captive by the injuries
Body nummed by morphine
I feel nothing
Eyes closed as tears fell on the caramel lids
Cries that fell on my ears only to be met with silence
Because I could not speak
I could not say anything
Eventhough I wanted to let it all out
All of the pain and sadness
I could not see who was there to cry for me
I was blind in a land of slumber
I could only dream
Dream of who was to come to me in my hour of need
I awoke to see no one
So layed there for a while left to guess
Why?
Why was I in the hospital?
Where was I and where was everyone else?
I awoke to no one
No one came..
An empty book with no visitor signatures
No balloons or get wells
So I sat writing
"Morphine for my soul", "30 seconds to sunrise", "Principle awareness"
My inside was conflicted
Twisted
Deformed
What is left in the wake is my aftermath
Torn stiched and patched together like old jeans or a rag doll
I wondered how I ended up like this
I was usually so strong and in control
Of me
Of my fate
Of my destiny
Of what was to come
And what had been
Yet....
I didn't see this, or that
The twister on the horizon I missed
The wake what's left
To awaken to find a nightmare
To rebuild with no supplies
Left with only people who can relate
And within that I can find even a shred of comfort
To dispell that small shred of doubt that I had
But what hurts most of all is that I gave up.......
I was ready to accept
Death
Embrace the dark
Bring in the sadness and let it settle
To stir up the anguish and bury the faith
That I once had for myself
Confidence
Respect
Compassion
Acceptance
Creativity
I layed before the train to get destroyed on the track
Crushed by the weight of frustration
The outlook forelorn
Premeditated failure
Pre-empted and captivated by a prelude
A prep for the worst
Accepting that the "end" was NOW
Only to be met by the opposite
So I am dissapointed in myself
The continuum that was defined as me has finished
The theory and transition abruptly ending
That what I once called me is no more
So maybe it's time to stop
Stop living each day for another
And finally live to make me happy
Yeah that's what I'll do
I'll light the darkness in the depths of my soul
I will break the chains that bind me
And reclaim my thrown
For I am the king of my land that is Kamari
I am the only one who can give away myself
My self...respect,dignity,and confidence
I will reignite my flame
rekindle the burning passion that once spilled onto pages
Splashed the walls with paint
And colored peoples worlds with hope and faith in themselves
I am no longer comatose
I am no longer dreaming
So it's time to take action and step into the light
This glass has now taken it's first step toward becoming stone....
Unknown "My Special K" Bold
- 16 years, 9 months, 28 days ago
