"the track tracks of time, those tracks are mine"
It was four of us, though I only knew one person in this night. Worcester a dilapidated blight of a city. Understand I say this out of love... I have walked the streets in this former industrial revolution gem of a city wWhich is now gilded in rust and memories. We were out looking for smack. Why? What were trying to hide from? You can say life, but nah, see people don't understand life is more real and ultimately the pain is more real when on any drugs. Life can't get you as high, but it also can't get you as low either. I had escaped Boston for a couple of nights. The bus station is located near Coney Island Hot Dogs, a local joint that has the stench of nostalgia and burnt sauce in its walls. I was there waiting for a friend of mine. She finally showed, late but there. Everyone always ran late except for me. Drugs were and are no excuse for rudeness, there are excuses. I forget if it was day or night, I think it was evening, not sure though. At this point in my life all the trips to Worcester merge into one distorted memory. I can't remember exactly where she lived. Was this weekend of Woodstock 94 or the night that GG Allen was suppose to play? Don't know and it really isn't important. So we were on the search for smack.. let me say this, we never, well I never got my hands on it. It always showed up after I left to go back to Boston. The adventures though they were really the fun parts. Somehow it was always four o'clock in the morning, and always drunken. We were intellectuals about drugs; conversations were deep. We weren't your typical users. This night started out pretty much like all others during this and subsequent time spent in Worcester. It started out at Ralph's Diner. Ralph's was a bar..but in Miss Worcester diner car. The diner was attached to a building, the second floor had bands. The neon in Worcester is fantastic. It really is a working class city. Grubby, sweaty, full of diners and old mill buildings. Its a city not touched by gentrification. Our walk this evening took us through the tracks and downtown Worcester. Annie is a good a friend to this day. We both have changed, yet we are relatively the same. How long can one be in this lifestyle? Unless you are Keith Richards, you either change or die. The smack eluded us again, either someone was waiting on some, or they just finished it the night before. We had our pills though, pills were my domain and I always seemed to have them. You name it I could get my hands on it, usually, at least if it was a perscription. In our minds we were Jack and Bill. Always chasing something, never settling, ultimately for me this became very lonely, as did being married and settled. They loneliness they encompassed was two very different sorts of loneliness. One was the loneliness of the absence of death, the other was the realization that love wasn't always the answer. Love had heartbreak, and pain. Love in my opinion is worse then any drug out there, or can be. In some ways they are both the same. How they work, play with the mind, give one an illusion.
wontongirl "My Caged Heart" Adventurous - 16 years, 5 months, 22 days ago

God I AM HAPPY..
The other people in that category would be Shell and Jon. When you can work through the rough patches with someone, thats when you know you found someone special either as a friend or lover. It's about being raw. The people who I hold dear know and don't want to control me, nor I them. Love is blindness but it is also freedom, and work. It's ego busting, as well as tears and joy. Its friendship, its dark and light. Someone told me they loved me..and that made me happy.
wontongirl "My Caged Heart" Adventurous - 16 years, 5 months, 23 days ago

Two years ago someone entered my life that had a profound effect on it, more then what can be conveyed on some blog. We've had our drama, our highs lows and heavenly blows. No-one has known me like he does. I consider him to be one of my two best friends, our connection is special and it has be shown to me that it will never die. I trust him completely. I love him, its beyond a romantic love, its knowing that someone can be in my life so strongly, yet we have never met. He and Shell are two out of four people that know me.. really know me. Out of the four there are 3 I would put into that category, knowing the real me. He is one..
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you


wontongirl "My Caged Heart" Adventurous - 16 years, 5 months, 23 days ago

MOON IN SCORPIO
The Scorpio Moon: Joy and Pain

The Moon is literally in its fall, or denouement, in this sign. For this reason, Scorpio Moon folks are known to grapple with themselves on the inside. They typically experience all emotions extremely, deeply and totally - ecstasy, sorrow, elation... and yes, their tempers, when provoked, can be explosive. To complicate matters, Scorpio Moon people regard their own emotions as a source of vulnerability and therefore try to keep their true feelings under wraps. So, it's not surprising that while many Scorpio Moons are traveling this earth feeling everything very intensely, they're also wearing this kind of detached look. After all, if they were to be found out, there would be very grave consequences indeed. What those consequences might be is anybody's guess... but if the Scorpio Moon is the one doing the imagining, it's sure to be quite catastrophic.

The Scorpio Moon, in a nutshell: intensity. Intense likes, intense dislikes, intense fascination, intense disgust... and yes, in keeping with the general Scorpio reputation, intense love affairs. This is a very black-and-white, all-or-nothing moon with extremely fixed notions about things. If you're loved by a Scorpio Moon then you are loved fiercely, totally and completely; but if you're despised by a Scorpio Moon, then you may as well not exist. And it's quite possible in dealing with this turbulent moon native that both emotions may be directed at you at different points in this lifetime. If a Scorpio Moon perceives that you have slighted them in some way... better make good immediately, or run and hide until the mood passes, because in all likelihood, revenge is being plotted against YOUR head!

The Scorpio Moon: Offsetting the Drama With Private Relaxation

Scorpio Moon people tend to go through life acting on hunches, "reading between the lines" - picking up subtle nonverbal cues, moods, intentions, underlying messages and such. Indeed, someone with this moon placement may get a very different meaning from the same conversation heard by someone with a more literal and pragmatic mind. This is not only quite distracting to the moon native, but when they react to these perceptions it often leads to undesired consequences and drama. Thus, the irony of the Scorpio Moon; being consumed by the very internal composition one despises in himself, and attracting drama-infused situations as a direct result of trying to avoid them.

A troubled Scorpion Moon person should allow herself some distance from time to time... a private sanctuary where she can sort out her emotions, get a healthy perspective and then emerge from the "cocoon" with renewed inner peace and a higher purpose in mind. Indeed, reflection and meditation feels quite natural to this introspective moon native and is encouraged as a way to take the edge off and temper the extreme moods. A deeply sensitive soul, capable of great courage and strength... there is much room for psychological growth and wisdom to be gained with this lunar positioning.

The Scorpio Moon: A Powerful Force for Good OR Evil

As with any sign, there are both positives and negatives to the Scorpio Moon placement. The sign of Scorpio has been assigned two symbols- the Scorpion and the Eagle. The former, a covert creature who stealths along the ground; and the latter, a symbol of power and might, soaring into the high heavens. Lows and highs... the Scorpio Moon is quite familiar with both states of consciousness... more than most, in fact.

Spiritually evolved Scorpio Moon souls can (and should) harness the gift of their emotional intensity and move proverbial mountains with it. If a Scorpio Moon person is intrinsically good, then that goodness of spirit can manifest itself in divine ways... extreme compassion and generosity toward fellow man, great and unshakeable integrity, impeccably honest conduct in business and personal affairs, and a permanent seat on the side of righteousness and justice. An enlightened Scorpio Moon will pledge his whole self to any and every cause he deems important; profess his undying faith to his family, home, country; and even make the ultimate sacrifice in a lifelong promise to serve God. Yes, this moon placement is often found in religious leaders, as the spiritual aspect is heavily emphasized here.

Less evolved Scorpio moons, on the other hand, are not averse to using abject means to get what they want. The concentration of power in this sign placement has led many a wayward Scorpio lunar native down a dark and devious path of corruption. In direct contrast to their enlightened counterparts; illicit affairs, illegal and underhanded dealings, petty and deceitful behavior, psychological turmoil, and loyalty to no one but themselves are trademark signs of the afflicted Scorpio Moon. Again, this is all due to the fact that Scorpio is in the moon's fall, thus making emotions feel uncomfortable, unnatural and all-encompassing. With the all-or-nothing theme at work, indeed this placement will produce some extreme results.

The Scorpio Moon and Sex

It has been said that sexual impulses drive the Scorpio Moon native moreso than other moon signs, perhaps because they radiate such passion and intensity that they're forever in need of release. The Scorpio Moon is equated with transcendental lovemaking or "soul sex" in which the participants experience an exalted state of consciousness by way of the physical sex act itself. Clearly, while "sexual nirvana" is hardly a day-to-day occurrence, this moon person has been labeled as having an extra potential for such achievements. At the very least, this moon person admits to having a high sex drive, even allowing sex to affect his or her decisions at certain points in life.

Other signature themes and preoccupations of the Scorpio Moon: secrets, mysteries, severity, psychology, power, control, passion, revenge, obsession, loyalty, sex, depth of feeling, ethics, spirituality, solitude, death. No, the Scorpio moon is surely not made of green cheese, but rather some of the most powerful facets of human existence. This lunar native must learn to embrace the reality of his or her own emotions as opposed to running or hiding from them. If the Scorpio Moon person can navigate his or her own spirit to a higher and more exalted place, he will recognize the potential for complete and total happiness that lies within himself... and the transformation will be powerful for certain.


wontongirl "My Caged Heart" Adventurous - 16 years, 5 months, 28 days ago

Tonight I saw an amazing band... I have been waiting 20 years to see them. With out them, well lets say there'd be no Nirvana, nothing of college radio. This band is the most important band you've never heard and that may be a good thing. Poignant and pure. Smart and furious. Its what real punk should be. They never became darlings but were among critics and other musicians top bands. Husker Du never would have existed. There influences still can be felt today. They are called mission of burma.
wontongirl "My Caged Heart" Adventurous - 16 years, 6 months, 16 days ago