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Unknown
"LoveaLatte"



Name:
Unknown
Last login: over 3 weeks ago
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Herds: ~~CANADIAN HERD~~, Nerds are Sexy, Rocket Reds
Unknown's tales
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Unknown
Medical Information"

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called
Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced t hat
it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were
Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course,
Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid
form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally
pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a
soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails",
"highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market
the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and
Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five
fewer people laughing in the world.

"You don't stop laughing when you get old; you get old when you stop
laughing!!"

Unknown "LoveaLatte" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 20 days ago
Unknown
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One o f the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You c an get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.
Unknown "LoveaLatte" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 20 days ago
Unknown
Wal-Mart has everything !

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor ."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow... Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for go od measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twi ns. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!
Unknown "LoveaLatte" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 21 days ago
Unknown
For anyone who didn't see David Letterman's talk about this incident on his show:
On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters
at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her
husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the
quarters in her room. 'I'll be right back and we'll go to eat, she told
her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already
aboard. Both were black. One of them was tall...very tall...an
intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was:
'These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was:
'Don't be a bigot; they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.'
But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood
and stared at the two men. She felt anxious, flustered and ashamed. She
hoped they didn't read her mind but gosh, they
had to know what she was thinking!!! Her hesitation about joining them in
the elevator was all too obvious now. Her face was flushed. She couldn't
just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked
up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was
on the elevator.
Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator
doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then
another. Her fear increased!The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. 'My God,' she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed! 'Her heart plummeted.Perspiration poured
from every pore.
Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor.'
Instinct told her to do what they told her. The bucket of quarters flew
upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor.
A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she
prayed. More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely,
'Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the
button.' The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out.
He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her
head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up.
Confused, she struggled to her feet. 'When I told my friend here to hit
the floor,' said the average sized one, 'I meant that he should hit the
elevator button for our floor.
I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am.' He spoke genially. He bit
his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.
The woman thought: 'My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself.'
She was too humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but
words failed her.
How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving
as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say.
The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her
bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on
walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and
they
were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid
her a good evening.
As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as
they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off.
She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her
husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen yellow
roses. Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill.

The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.'
It was signed:
Eddie Murphy
Michael Jordan

Unknown "LoveaLatte" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 26 days ago
Unknown
An Italian Mother

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for
dinner... who lives with a female roommate Maria...

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship
between the two, and this had only made her more
curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the
two interact, she started to wonder if there
was more between Anthony and roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I
know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,
Maria and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been
unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be
sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Momma,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl
from my house; I'm not saying that you 'did not'
take it. But the fact remains that it has been
missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response
email from his Momma which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But
the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN
bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Love, Momma

Lesson: Never lie to your Momma... especially, if she's Italian

Unknown "LoveaLatte" Purring - 16 years, 10 months, 3 days ago
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Comments

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Unknown
thanx for bidding in my auction
You have been given Hold'n Hands.
Crafted by
Unknown "Fordey" Sad - 16 years, 6 months, 25 days ago
Shev
thumbed u loads xxxx
Shev "Sexy Kitten xx" Serene - 16 years, 6 months, 26 days ago
Shev
Thx babe, ur a darlin !! :-) xxxx
You have been given Blowing Kisses Ur Way.
Crafted by
Shev "Sexy Kitten xx" Serene - 16 years, 6 months, 26 days ago
Miss_Fabulous
Hello Cleo!!
Thanx for bidding.. ;)
Wanna join the BOUNTY HUNT??
You have been given Bounty Hunt Invitation.
Crafted by
Miss_Fabulous "נפלאה" I am what I am - 16 years, 6 months, 27 days ago
Unknown
Best and worse pick up lines!
Unknown "LoveaLatte" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 8 days ago
Unknown
They call me coffee, cuz i grind so fine
Unknown "LoveaLatte" Purring - 16 years, 9 months, 8 days ago
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Anything Under the sun

The name says it all. lol

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