So to put it nicely, I'm a complicated chica who's got more than a little going on in life. My son is my best creation and my biggest weakness. I love playing volleyball and goofing off with friends and family. Movies are a major hit with me, though I can't seem to stomach scary ones anymore since my son's birth. I love Alaska, though not so much during 'breakup' where it looks pretty icky, but there's something about these mountains that always call me home to them whenever I leave for a period of time. I love having friends and family around me, hearing them laughing and 'talking story'. Kanikapila to da max. If you don't know bout that, look it up and good luck. :D Anything else, it's simple: just ask.
Let's keep it simple, shall we?: Talk at me and we'll go from there.
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order; 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.' MamaMio "snuggles"Purring
- 11 years, 10 months, 5 days ago
"A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy asked his mother and she replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that." The boy then asked his sister and she replied, "Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!" The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"
The boy pondered that, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy replied, "Yes,dad. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars. But realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer. MamaMio "snuggles"Purring
- 11 years, 10 months, 9 days ago
In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements.
So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!" MamaMio "snuggles"Purring
- 12 years, 1 month, 7 days ago
Remember that adult words are often taken literally.....
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his 'private part' hanging out.
'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said,
'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.' MamaMio "snuggles"Purring
- 12 years, 1 month, 13 days ago
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, & the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.. MamaMio "snuggles"Purring
- 12 years, 1 month, 13 days ago