I dislike it when I wait for you,
eating my own air like a queen's cake
because it tastes like almonds
and the palate is bitter.
I detest the thought of being held
on high, whilst I have been played
like a fool for others to laugh at
and I long for the slow,
metallic,
shining,
sinking
of the knife into your side;
so you can't draw breath to scream
and I can bare my teeth
and feast on your terror
with my eyes
as I cut you from what you hold dear
and secure.
And become that which keeps you awake at night.
Unknown "Sugãr Dãddy" Sexy - 15 years, 3 months, 23 days ago

A day;
caught in the fleeting glimpse,
through the falling curtain
of a fountain's falling flashes.
A coffee balanced on concrete counter
and traces of a town
drift through the veil
and perform for my entertainment.

Couples, arm in arm;
jealous notions
and considerations of flinging stones
and warnings of emotional poverty.
The older man who awaits an unknown,
looking at his watch,
seeing his sand slip away.

Another sip brings the youth;
he stands, arms folded opposite me.
His black attire and eyeliner
contrast with his grim smile
as he nods to the beat in his ears
and stares back,
unabashed at me.
I look away.
His black hair, long and tied back;
a statue to be ignored
or admired
as others see fit.
Across the square, the imitable jabberings
of the tracksuit-generation
catches the eye of my lone jackal
and my sneer is reflected;
a turn of the head,
a flick of his obsidian locks
and a curl of his lip.

A commotion;
a family erupt
like an urban Vesuvius from the bear shop;
children waving furry skins
and two wild eyed guardians
bring up the rear
collecting falling stuffing
that has been knocked out.

The fountain becomes the focus;
my youthful narcissist
stalks past the urban massive
and away into studied obscurity.
The family rage onwards
like a cloud in a fishbowl
they encircle the couple, hand in hand,
until they blend and become one
for just a moment
and the raving group with bears and skins
spit the bewildered lovers out
leaving dazed perplexed faces;
uncomprehending eyebrows
raised in confusion
as they walk on.

Finally, I turn,
my companion; the old man
has wandered away, round the fountain;
gone away to his future.
Looking forwards, he looks back;
to meet my eyes
through the raining falls,
and glistening curtain,
he seems distorted
and turns to walk away.
Whom he follows; the family or the narcissist?
I do not know.
But he was there.
Unknown "Sugãr Dãddy" Sexy - 15 years, 7 months, 25 days ago

A long time ago, I dived into a clear green pool,
encircled by trees and bushes of green,
in the hedgerow of a field near my home town
a mile or so out, where we couldn't be seen.

Our little group, had brought provisions and wine,
couples lay grazing in the hot summer sun;
while the single of us, each out to impress
the girls we'd brought with us to woo with our fun.

The trees we climbed high, the pool shimmered below,
I felt at peace, in the branches this high where it rose
and the field became a stubble of old corn before harvest
and into the emerald pool I leaned forward, and dove.

The air rushed past and doubt crept through my mind;
too high? wrong angle? I didn't know what was below!
And the doubt turned to fear in a second of dread
that one should never, from high branches, be thrown.

The water embraces, coldly and silence descended,
and the emerald pool became dark, obsidian and frigid
I dragged myself to the side, to the edge of the burned corn
and looked back, my legs trailing and rigid.

The pool that enticed me, was clouded and murky,
like so much river slime from a snail's shell,
and the detritus of old bags and furs from the banks
showed the content into which I had fell.

I climbed, wet and sodden, from this paradise lost
to the jeers of my companion's laughter.
I could not but wonder, as I trudged away, alone,
if I could see what would happen before without what was after?

Unknown "Sugãr Dãddy" Sexy - 15 years, 7 months, 25 days ago

Interestingly enough I have been told that I am very, very special and that I am thought about constantly.

To me; a heartless bastard with little faith and trust in the world I found that a shock to hear. Living with your soul open from day to day is not something I have ever done and I find it difficult to trust or believe in a positive statement from someone about myself.

However, I have made a serious commitment in my head. To believe. If it hurts me in the end, at least I believed and knew how to believe.

Sorry if this was rather EMO to read but it's kind of a revelation to me.

So, thank you for reading and thank you, to the person who told me how wonderful and 'marvellous' I was; thank you.

x

Rich
Unknown "Sugãr Dãddy" Sexy - 15 years, 8 months, 1 day ago

And so with a few changes in my life I have begun to explore the boundaries of my own mind.

Finding control of myself is calming and exhilarating though I must admit the loneliness is getting to me.

This is beyond the point. I have decided that in control, there lies a certain beauty. To have an aim, a goal and an outcome. I am that type of person. I am poetic, certainly but not to the extent that it should make my personality blow in the wind.

I am controlled and masterful.

I am not the Willow I am the Yew.
Unknown "Sugãr Dãddy" Sexy - 15 years, 8 months, 29 days ago