Yesterday's discovery: Vans HURT!
Are you sitting comfortably children? Then i'll begin...
It was a dark and gloomy morning, the kind or morning when you look out the window and go.. 'jesus chris its dark and gloomy out there' i mean to say it was both dark .. and gloomy.. any way our hero, lets call him Paul just cause it sounds heroic.. i am the mighty Paul.. kinda has a ring to it.. like Trevor.. or Mildred.. Mildred the Destroyer..lol Anyway, back to getting back to the point again.. our Hero was driving to work in his Mighty Carriage with not a care in the world, the dark and gloomy day had not put a dent in his heart and he was ready to take on the joys of a days work.
Unfortunatly for him the wicked white van man (boo!) had set his greesy eyes on Paul today, The White Van Man (boo!) is a notorious serial wanker who roams the countryside leaving a wake of broken dreams and crushed spirits, no lady un heckled, no car unmarked, and when he witnessed Pauls happy travels it struck a blow right to the center of his rotten core (little known fact that White Van Man (boo!) doesn't have an actual heart, instead he has a small charred rock that closely resembles a busk of Bono, from this a strange blue gas seeps that if harvested properly becomes the substance that they put into the blue bug zapper lights).
Forsoothe! He thunk I shall use my Terrible Van to block his path and he shall be forced off MY road! bwahahaa, and so he did, he donned his mighty armour of the indistructable flourescent reflector jacket and armed himself with his prized fake sunglasses and launched his Van across the lanes of the road and pulled right onto the path of Pauls Mighty Carriage...
Oh Piss thought Paul as he desparatly tried to slow his carriage to prevent from striking it and hurting his faithful steeds, but realising there wasn't enough time to prevent the enivitable he jerked the reins and tried to steer around the inside of the monstrosity. Unfortunatly for him the sight of the gleaming box of destruction appearing right in the horses peripherals spooked the horses, sending them into a tizzy and spinning wildly out of control
The carriage slid around on the road loosing control until it was facing backwards up the road and sliding closer to the side of the van until BANG it struck a mighty blow into the side of it sending the EVIL box sliding to the hard shoulder, unfortunatly for Paul his carriage continued to slide, one of his horses had gotten hurt in the bang and his legs were more messed up than an episode of Hollyoaks, so he continued on out of control and slid up onto the central reservation that separates the lanes of traffic and ploughed through the grass, leaving a deep scar on the earth and coming to rest with the rear of the carriage hanging out into the oncoming traffic.
Paul suffered some small bruising, but nothing hurt him more than the knowledge that his carriage was ruined and the horse that had served him so well before had to be shot and melted down for glue.
So if you see that white tell tale sign of a Van peeping ever so delicatly out of a driveway / entrance, becareful... cause he's an asshole!
Unknown Carefree
- 16 years, 8 months, 19 days ago
