to clear things up:
1. i did not give myself a flower on purpose. lol. i am not a creep. i thought i can give other people flowers but i forgot i had to click on their profile.... soo um yeah,.... ignore the flower i gave myself!
2. i have insomnia. today at work i went into rem sleep by accident and that is bad. very bad since i am RECORDING LIVE PEOPLE!!! but it's cool. no one noticed
3. i cannot eat breakfast today. the cereal tastes too sugary. i almost threw up it was that bad. i think i am just very tired. insomnia is a problem.
4. my tonsils.... i think they are bleeding...
5. i am not going on any dates this weekend. i am wayyyy too tired.... andrew can find a new model for his "project"
6. yes. i am being a bitch today. and yes i look fierce in my skinny jeans, via spiga jacket and italian boots. yes, you can stare but no photos!
7. i love she wants revenge and their song "tear you apart." that is how i feel when i love someone.
8. i love Hole and "doll parts." I do want to be the girl with the most cake
9. i have wonderful new ideas for my novel. yes. it is being tape recorded which sucks and will give me twice as much work with transcribing. for the majority of this weekend i will be recording the three new chapters.
10. i am panicking and terrified right now. i want to run away from everything. maybe because i am just tired. fear is a terrible thing.
11. i don't know what to expect from life anymore. i feel like i am floating most of the time. there is not enough time for anything, even if i manage my time properly.
12. we are young because only the young can have the stamina of a horse when it comes to love
13. i will be turning 19 on april first and on that day i will do nothing but listen to bob marley and read. it will be a day for me!!!!!
14. i hate joe. he is a selfish prick. just wanted to say it. i am terribly upset that he cannot even look me in the eye and act like a man. that is why i am still fucking here ::excuse the language::. even though i am terrified and my brain is melting, you do not see me run away. i am powering through everything. i am trying my best and for this asshole to just ignore me after everything we had been through! how dare he! i sacrificed a year for him doing shit that no one else would do. i even got him into college. the only thing that keeps me going is because i am able to forgive people for their faults, mistakes and fears. it is not our fault that we are afraid. it is not our fault that our friends leave us at the moment when we are most alone. and it is understandable. but to give up even on friendship when everything else in your life is shit! i had not seen the face of god in his face. it was not love.
15. i forgive joe. can't make a person be friends with you. cannot make him understand that he is losing something valuable.
16. there are worse things in life. i am sure a disaster will befall me sooner or later. that is why i don't want to run away because of my fear. i will still have to go through shit sooner or later. might as well do it now since i am young and i will be able to take it, hopefully.
17. sometimes i have these day dreams of images my heart wants me to paint. i miss my oil paint so terribly. i am suffering because i am unable to release these thoughts and they just get trapped and it is literally hell.
18. worst of all i sometimes miss god terribly.
Unknown "Grrrrrrrrr!" Annoyed
- 16 years, 9 months, 19 days ago
