grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr why didn't the add photo upload work ? IT said it did but no picture was in the tale :( :(

now the one below makes me look like a ravin looney again!!
Unknown "Adventurer" Adventurous - 16 years, 8 months, 16 days ago

I adore these cartoons, just wish I could draw....
Unknown "Adventurer" Adventurous - 16 years, 8 months, 16 days ago

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

* Yes...........................................................................No
* No.............................................................................Yes
* Maybe.......................................................................No
* We need...................................................................I want
* I am sorry.................................................................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk........................................................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead.........................................................You better not
* Do what you want......................................................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset...........................................................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight.............................................Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

* I am hungry...............................................................I am hungry
* I am sleepy...............................................................I am sleepy
* I am tired...................................................................I am tired
* Nice dress.................................................................Nice cleavage!
* I love you...................................................................Let's have sex now
* I am bored.................................................................Do you want to have sex?
* May I have this dance?.............................................I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I call you sometime?.........................................I'd like to have sex with you.
* Do you want to go to a movie?..................................I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I take you out to dinner?....................................I'd like to have sex with you.
* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit.................I'm gay.
Unknown "Adventurer" Adventurous - 16 years, 8 months, 18 days ago

Why men don't write advice columns!!

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of
the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he
was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my
lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked
him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing
my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been
feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.. I love him very much, but
ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Lusk

= = = =

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope
this helps.

Walter.

Unknown "Adventurer" Adventurous - 16 years, 8 months, 20 days ago

Far away, in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark. I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old buddies simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail (the punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark" came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again." Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed........."
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"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."

Unknown "Adventurer" Adventurous - 16 years, 8 months, 20 days ago