When one is in pain or weakness or close to death, one begins to share ideas about what is essential, one's deepest concerns and hopes. No one is a threat to anyone. On the contrary, people begin to open their hearts to one another.
Unknown "manly man" Uncertain - 16 years, 7 months, 27 days ago

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.
Unknown "manly man" Uncertain - 16 years, 9 months, 6 days ago

Meow-Lin Style

You—the young warrior men call Cuddlemuffins—approach. You are quick and strong, Cuddlemuffins. You have trained long and hard. You move with stealth, in silence. You have practiced hours of paw-eye coordination drills with bottle caps and pens. You have mastered the art of escape from any shopping bag, no matter how terrifyingly noisy.

You have climbed to the top of the drapes. You have perfected your killing stroke on many unfortunate insects. You have vomited on my shoes for no apparent reason. At last you are ready.

Rowr! Catfight!
Unknown "manly man" Uncertain - 16 years, 9 months, 15 days ago

The Scottsman's Kilt:

A Scottsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening Fair,
One could tell by how he walked he drank more then his share,
He staggered down the road till he could no longer keep his feet,
and he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Well about that time to lovely youngin girls just happened by,
And one said to the other with a twinkle in her eye,
See on sleeping scottsman so strong and handsome built?
Oh I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt?"

They creaped upon the sleeping scottsman as quiet as can be,
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see,
And their below for them to view beneath his scottish skirt,
was nothing more then god had graced him with upon his birth.

They marveled for a moment then one said "We Must be gone,
Let's leave a preasent for our friend before we move along,
as a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow,
around the bonnie star the scottsman's kilt did lift and show.

well the scottsman woke to natures call and stumbled t'wards a tree,
behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees,
and with a starteled voice he says to what's before his eyes,
"Oh Lad I don't know where you've been But I see you've won first prize!"
Unknown "manly man" Uncertain - 16 years, 9 months, 22 days ago

So I ordered three pairs of sunglasses because I was drunk and bored online. They're the same just different colors. I think I like the white pair the best, then the red pair, the black pair seems to be just too black.
Unknown "manly man" Uncertain - 16 years, 10 months, 6 days ago