Dear Tech Support,
************************

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon
noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing
that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention
of this was included with the product information.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs
and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors
all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night
10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing
7.5 and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever
selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting
to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back
to Girlfriend 7.0, but the Uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help! Thanks,

Signed,
A Troubled User

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is
due to a primary misconception among men. Many people upgrade
from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely an
Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its
creator to run everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife
1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating system files
cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to
Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up
with more problems than in the original system. Look in your
Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings: Maintenance/Child Support".

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background application
program Yes_Dear to alleviate software augmentation. Having
installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the
entire section regarding "General Partnership Faults (GPFs)".

You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems
that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that
GPFs tend to be somewhat cyclical, occurring approximately 28
days apart. The best course of action is to enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YES_DEAR because
ultimately you will have to use the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you take the
blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but tends to
require very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several
support programs such as Clean_and_Sweep 3.0, Cook_It 1.5 (which
replaces Burn_It 1.0) and Do_Bills 4.2. You must however be very
careful how you use these programs.

Improper use will cause the system to launch the program
Nag_Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!! *DO NOT* under any circumstances, install
Secretary_With_Short_Skirt. This application is not supported
by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating
system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support
Jacques Botha "Jakkals" Dazed - 16 years, 6 months, 3 days ago