The one woman who deserves you is the one she thinks she doesn't....
Unknown "My buttercub" Adored - 16 years, 8 months, 27 days ago

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door of the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the salesman barged into the living room and opened a big plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s ....!" exclaimed the salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that?" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house." said the lady.

Unknown "My buttercub" Adored - 16 years, 10 months, 1 day ago

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach, when
suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the
Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic! Think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching
the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It
will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help
mankind."

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand
women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she
gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she
says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Unknown "My buttercub" Adored - 16 years, 10 months, 2 days ago

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Unknown "My buttercub" Adored - 16 years, 10 months, 2 days ago

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Unknown "My buttercub" Adored - 16 years, 10 months, 2 days ago