It's fine. Yep, everything's good. Now everything is clear and it's time to restart.
Unknown "Amb." Peaceful - 15 years, 10 months, 11 days ago

No? Still not going to happen? Never? For sure?
I get SO sad when I think about you. And that just makes it even more depressing, when we're supposed to be friends. I want you to think of me as your friend. But we never even talk. Because I don't even know what to say to you ever because when I think of you, all I think of is how much I like you and want us to be more. I can't tell you things like that now, right? I can't tell you how much I want to be in love, and with you. You hate just the word itself. Ha, that right there should tell me you're not for me. But it doesn't. No one hates love... Even with the fear of being hurt.
Unknown "Amb." Peaceful - 15 years, 11 months, 13 days ago

So... I think even on my wedding day, no matter who I'm marrying, I'm going to wish it were you. I want more than anything, ever, for you to change your mind...... I don't want you to think I gave it up yet. But I don't know how much longer to wait. I don't want to stopppp. I still get so depressed everytime I think about what isn't happening between us. There are others... I don't want them though. Not if it means letting go of everything else. Everything I've been feeling for you. How could I just quit as if it never happened? NOTHING makes sense. Why should I feel this way? Why why why. I knew it; I'm just stupid. That's all. So stupid I need people to tell me flat out what to do, what to think, what to feel. How to do things the right way. How to know what the right way is...
Unknown "Amb." Peaceful - 15 years, 11 months, 15 days ago

Hi. I really am fine. Just wishful.
Do you ever notice how completely distressed I am whenever I'm in the same room with you? Yet at the same time, I can't keep myself from smiling. I wish I knew the future.
I want perfection. I want to be perfect. I want everything to be perfect. So far all of my attempts at that haven't really been working out. It's impossible, duh, I know that. So why do I always get it in my mind that I can fix things; that I actually have the ability to make everything better?
You'd think I would have learned that before this. But it's taken three frustrating events in the past year and a half for me to finally understand that I can't turn bad situations good with my mind or with my words. And that there are some things that really aren't able to be or aren't supposed to be "good" (by my definition) in the end.
Bad things happen. Just because I'm not entirely used to that, doesn't mean I can prevent them after they've already come.
But I kind of really want you to want to go back to wanting whatever it was we wanted again. Hence my wishfulness. I still don't know how to get myself to let there be no possibility. I still hope, all the time.
Unknown "Amb." Peaceful - 15 years, 11 months, 27 days ago

No longer sad... Therefore neither am I.
Unknown "Amb." Peaceful - 16 years, 1 month, 12 days ago