Ralph and Mary just got to bed one evening. Ralph suddenly said, "Mary, if I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff." "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" Mary asked. "I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some other arsehole using my stuff..." "What makes you think I'd marry another arsehole?"
Unknown "my sweetie" Playful - 15 years, 5 months, 18 days ago

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you?" "Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole fucking bed by the looks of it!"
Unknown "my sweetie" Playful - 15 years, 5 months, 18 days ago

Women Are Evil By Nature...

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replied.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?'
'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
'Tell him,' she whispered, 'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.'




Unknown "my sweetie" Playful - 15 years, 5 months, 18 days ago

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his mission in the jungle where he has spent 20 years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, 'This is a tree.'

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, 'Tree.'

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, 'This is a rock.'

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, 'Rock.'

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, 'Man riding a bike.'

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, 'My bike.'
Unknown "my sweetie" Playful - 15 years, 5 months, 18 days ago

At 85 years of age, Martin married Rose, a lovely 25 year old ironing lady from the Philipines.Since her new husband is so old, Rose decides that after their wedding she and Martin should have separate bedrooms, becauseshe is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.After the wedding festivities Rose prepares herself for bed and theexpected knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Martin , her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Martin takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go tosleep.After a few minutes, Rose hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Martin , Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Rose consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Martin kisses his bride,bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Martin Is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Martin gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I Am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only goodonce. You are truly a great lover, Martin.' Martin , somewhat embarrassed, turns to Rose and says: 'You mean I was herealready?' The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.
Unknown "my sweetie" Playful - 15 years, 5 months, 18 days ago