Well this may take a minute or two so here goes... I take it these can be general tales... not like recent ones.... sure I’ll give it a go anyway this is always a fun story to tell.

Happens way back in the days when I was a total nutter who had way too much free time and all I could fill it with were parties and booze and lots and lots of metal music. I went to the bar one night with a mate after drinking a bottle of vodka and a few tins. The night was going well up until the point when I discovered that all shots of vodka at the bar where a pound. So I decided to indulge myself and drank a small distilleries worth of the stuff. After this I became what we would usually refer to now as an "utter twat"... the singing was loud the shouting at people was louder. So I shouldn't have been surprised when I got turfed out of the bar, I also shouldn't have been surprised when my mate abandoned me and walked off home.... but I was surprised... I was outraged... but what surprised me most when I stood up was the fact that my legs had no ability to hold me up anymore!!! So after much crashing around and shouting at random people and what not I manage to bump into two old friends who help me round to the park for a carryout. After yet more booze and some banter my two old friends disappear to get more booze. At this point I’m blocked, tired and am sitting in the middle of a park in pitch blackness. It was kind of inevitable that someone was gonna try and fight with me… so after dealing with said assailants...(I got my ass kicked lol) I decided it may be best to go for a wee walk.

So I go looking for the nearest bar… I find one but unfortunately looking the way I did at this point (i.e. black eyes, busted lip and totally steaming)… they wouldn’t let me in. So I decide to sneak round the back of the bar… climb over a wall and sneak into it via a back door. Unfortunately stealth is not the greatest of my attributes and being absolutely shit faced really doesn’t help matters, no matter how many times I told myself to “SHHH” I just couldn’t keep the noise down. So of course I get caught by the bouncers and dragged out the front door and thrown to the pavement. By this point me and the pavement are getting well acquainted so I don’t really mind. Well anyway a bit of time passes I manage to get a couple of smokes out of a group of guys after sumo wrestling them in the middle of the street. I then decide maybe its time to go on another walk… and this is where things get a little blurry… I can remember falling on my face, and I do mean that literally, my face was the only thing that broke my fall… I can remember looking for somewhere to pass out… and that’s about it!

… next day….

I wake up to the sounds of someone dragging a large bag of bottles to the dumpster I’ve passed out behind, whilst to my right is a large hill and some railway tracks. My face is totally cut to ribbons, I can feel the dried and congealed blood all over my face, my leather jacket has been slashed a couple of times under the arm, I only have one boot on… the other being covered by a plastic bag… and my right ankle seems to be in pretty bad shape. So I go hobbling towards the train station and manage through the aid of a very nice attendant to get a taxi home.

Ah the joys of being 17 eh? HAHAHAHA!!!

Unknown "Dinglebert" - 16 years, 8 months, 17 days ago