I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
I said, 'No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I replied.
He looked at me and said,....

'Then, why do you even give a shit?'



Unknown "ANGELFEATHERS" Playful - 15 years, 10 months, 21 days ago

TURNER BROWN:

Skinny little white Newfie goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Newfie staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Newfie faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Newfie says:

'Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jazus, I tought you said, 'Turn around!'




Unknown "ANGELFEATHERS" Playful - 15 years, 10 months, 21 days ago

Summer Romance.........


As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge
to grab you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night.

You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night,
and what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any
reservations, you laid on my naked body... you sensed my indifference,
so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation,
and you drove me near crazy while you drained me.

Finally I went to sleep.

Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to last night's events.
My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing, making it
harder to forget you.


Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you... You fucking mosquito



Unknown "ANGELFEATHERS" Playful - 15 years, 10 months, 21 days ago

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."

"Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."

"Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."

"Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."

"Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."

"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."

"Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins."

"Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."

"Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."

"Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak."

"Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust."

"Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault."

"Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."

"Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral."

"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines."

"Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well."

"Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."

"Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."

"Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."

"Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."
Unknown "ANGELFEATHERS" Playful - 16 years, 2 months, 8 days ago

Excuse Letters
The routine is familiar: when a student is late or absent from school, a letter from the parents must be supplied for the absence to be excused. Sometimes such letters suggest that the parents were excused from school too many times in their own youth.


Unknown "ANGELFEATHERS" Playful - 16 years, 2 months, 8 days ago