Her, By Diana
Looking through my pictures, acting like I don't know what I am looking
for (though I do), pondering on each one, hoping the next one is not
you, yet hoping that it is, I come to the one of me and her holding each
other, laughing. Tears come to my eyes and slip to the picture. In my
daze of depression, it looks like the picture is crying with me. "You
miss her too?" I whisper, wishing to God it could answer me back.
In my dreams I see that beautiful day, "our last day." Only it turns
into a nightmare. The beautiful shining sun turns gray, the flower
scented air turns into a foul decaying one. She looks up at me and her
smiling face turns into a one of fear. She starts to slip and I look
over the bike rail we were sitting upon that only a minute ago was 2
feet down now at least 200. I grabbed her hand, Help me she pleaded
softly.
Just as I think I have her and I tell her so, she smiles at me her eyes
so full of trust, Than I don't know why but I let her go! I can hear her
terrified scream why as she slips to a horrible death. I awake dripping
in a cold sweat, Why.. why do I always let her go? I know she died in a
car accident, but in my head in my dreams 'I kill her,'
It still feels the same so much 'guilt.' If I was not to let her go than
outside of my dreams would she live? Going to school Tuesday after
missing a week, the teacher watches me as I look at her empty seat next
to mine, I burst into tears and fall to my knees as if in agony. I'm so
sorry I scream, Everyone stops. I can feel their looks of pity.
The teacher runs to my side and I raise my tear streaked face and smile,
in my messed up head I was remembering how much her and I liked this
one, I push my salty lips to the teachers and kiss them passionately. I
can hear the gasps of my classmates in the background. Softly the teach
pushes me away and sits me down. Everything goes black. Call 911 I hear
someone yell, Feeling hands all over me carrying me to where I don't
know.
Suddenly I am back in the dream. As it repeats itself I watch myself let
her go and as she opens her mouth to scream I awake in my room, my
blankets to my neck, feeling suffocated I sit up. I turn on the lamp
next to my small twin size bed, and I look at my night table. I see a
plate of food my mother must have left for me. And a knife, A knife? Why
did she leave me a knife? I know why, she knows I killed her too, than
with out even thinking with out even a pause I lift the knife and strike
my wrist deep and hard, I could feel the dark warm liquid as it seeps
down my arm. Growing cold and dizzy, I collapsed to the ground.
I hit hard but could feel no pain nor fear as I look at my blood soaked
arm, I could see it pouring out and stopping with each heart beat.
'Darkness quickly subdues me.' Once again I am in my dream.' only'
something is different, she is in my place and I am in hers! I start to
slip and she reaches out and grabs my hand, help me I pleaded softly, I
got you she whispered.
I look up smiling and feeling so much trust. Suddenly she lets go! I
hear myself scream 'why' as I slip to a horrible death. 'I feel this
tremendous pressure' and as quickly as it came its gone. I open my eyes
and look next to myself, there she was laying next to me our blood
touching,
We sit up and she looks at me. She reaches out and grabs my hand.
Looking up at the bike rail two feet above us we stand. Whats going on I
whisper? Were dead she answers quietly..
Diana Nolast "no buying!" Crazy
- 16 years, 10 months, 29 days ago
