*****One of those Days*******
My life is one of those days, we live & learn at every turn. Spinning round like a drunken clown. It's not funny when you spend all of your money, hair, clothes, buying booze, gives me the blues. Pay your dues, it's one of those days. Diamonds in the window, wish they were on my fingers. Daydreaming about better days, playing all day & night feeling seedy when I stumble home in the morning. Carrying Baggage, makes my knees tremble, makes me feel empty & lonely. I'm not the only one but my life is one of those days...
(c) Sarah-Jane Gow
Unknown "Paperback Writer" Sparkling - 16 years, 7 months, 14 days ago

****Broken Doll****

Looking for Love in all the wrong places.
Love needs to come from the inside before anyone will be able to find you, in your self imprisoned room.
Not knowing what to do with it once I have it.
Suspicious mind, tearing my heart apart.
Self sabotage rotting me through to my very core.
Sweetness turned bitter & all I want is you.
Teetering on the fragile vine I balance upon.
Knowing myself seems so very hard. Anger rising & falling in the deep vacant hole I've found inside.
Freedom from my binds so hard to find.
Drinking poison from within.
Self destructive tendancies.
Broken doll, with no glue.
Not knowing how to mend the pieces that have come askew.

Sarah-Jane Gow (c)
Unknown "Paperback Writer" Sparkling - 16 years, 7 months, 22 days ago

~Crystal Bowl~

Wrap me in silence, shutting out the violence. Crystal bowl made from a crisis, somebody wear me down, 'oh sweet silence', give me time, look at me, you look through me.. Peace & quiet, sick of the chaos, lookin' for love in all the wrong places, need to step back & take a breath before I crack in two..

Lillies in an open space, blackened night & cool decent, till day breaks, stay away from my design, you weren't invited, your love is like a crime, you make me scream, make everything~ seem surreal, like a dream, sad songs make me feel, happy songs make me fight on, oh dear god, I think I'm in love, this can't be real, a slow dance into an abyss that I can't stop, don't want to stop, do I.. Ahhhh!!!! A vision of perfection always in perfect view, just out of reach, out of reach for us two?

Give me trust & give me soul. Crystal bowl unnecessary, styrophone with pictures, intent to shake you, intent to shake you, just enough to wake you, why go on, why repeat it, repeat the past, when they were nothing but broken tears, because we hope, because we dream, because the world is real, shattered pieces of the perfection that came askew..

Love you, rock you, drugged me, f#ck you!!

Don't display your ugly stick, things melt & crumble.. Slowly shift, playing with my mind. rock me, make me scream, from deep, deep inside.. I'm coming unseamed!!!

You know the theme, this is where we sing... Rock me make me scream, your ugly stick it would seem, switched on too full beam, makes me wonder what I can see, where I am coming from, is it me, is it just a dream.. Makes me wonder why I do this to myself, won't someone explain it to me, round & round the merry-go-round, the merry-go-round of pain..

Take me, show me, rock me, shake me, sing with me. Lets make mistakes, lets make it great, lets be the best we can be, be my everything, be my dream.. Knock my door down, use the key, time to begin, a taste of sin.

(c) written by: Sarah-Jane Gow
Unknown "Paperback Writer" Sparkling - 16 years, 8 months, 7 days ago

**********Eerie Coincidence**********
Strange things started happening, seeing a double, a triple & even quad numbers on the digital clocks, not just a few times, but nearly on the hour every hour for 9 months. At first it was just a coincidence & I put it down as that, but as the months wore on & rolled into such a constant occurance in my life that I started to wonder if there was a bigger purpose for the bizaareness. If the baby was going to be born healthy, if it wasn't heading toward something sinister. Paranoia a constant friend. I started making wishes on the quads, that the baby be ok, that nothing horrible would happen.

I woke up & started my day like any other, it was the 3rd of March, 2003. By 5am my water had broken & we headed to the hospital. Brought to the labor ward at Hawkesbury hospital, the contractions were in full swing by 11, fear settled into my bones, realising what date it was, the 03.03.03 & I was having the baby! Pacing, bathing, anything that would relax me, push, breath, push. By 2:30 they told me if I didn't have the baby soon they'd have to do a ceasarian. This made my body shake with fear, sweat breaking out in a thousand different places all over. Ok this is the last push or there going to open you up. I put all of my fears aside & with the last drop of determination, push with all of my failing strength. Jade Paris flew, literally, across the room, it was such a shock to the midwife that she jumped back a few feet & caught Jade by the shoulders! She was placed on my chest & there was a radiance, a look of wisdom about her, tears of relief flowed down my cheeks, she was the most gorgeous baby I'd ever seen, eye's as big as saucers, I counted her fingers & toes which, were all where they ought to be & then it was time to rest. Not until later did I realise what room number I'd given birth in. Number 3.

I started to realise the coicidences were thick & constant, I'd not a few months before moved into our new larger home to accomadate the new baby. Once again number 3. She was my 3rd child. I was soon to turn 33! Well I had my healthy little girl so I was thankful & tried to put the coincidences out of my mind where they could simmer & bubble in my subconscious under the surface.

Then a few months later one of the strangest things to date occured. Out the front of our house on the electricity wire, there were two dead birds, not that strange you say? Well below them was another, dead, on the ground. 3 birds, magpies, all dead outside our house. I rescued the 3rd bird who was being prodded with a stick by primary school children & buried it under my newly growing oak tree, then as the months wore on the other two birds fell one by one & they two joined their feathered friend under our tree. More than strange enough for me.

I'm happy to say that my daughter is very bright & no bad has come of the many coincidences that surrounded her gestation & birth.

So thats my eerie tale of my daughters birth. I hope you've enjoyed the read, thankyou for taking the time.

Sarah-Jane.
Unknown "Paperback Writer" Sparkling - 16 years, 8 months, 12 days ago

********A dream, back in time*********

Fragmented parts of a dream skip by in my mind... it started with finding something, not unlike a remote control.. I was living somewhere I'd never seen before...

I went for a walk,it was around noon, it was warm with a cool breeze.. I had the remote in my hand, for some reason I kept playing with it, when all of a sudden I was whipped into another time...

50 years previously I stood looking at a humble but beautiful vintage 50's style home & knocked on a white door, feeling scared & unsure of what had just happened.

A woman of about 45 or so, answered the door, gentle faced, clear blue eyes & a ready smile. She didn't look at me suspiciously as someone would nowadays, she ushered me inside, her hand on my shoulder, smiling all the while.

She asked if I'd like a drink, fussing over me in a warm & familiar way.. I looked around me, it had beautiful chesnut wood throughout, spacious & filled with familiar textured nicnacs, the home had such warmth I wanted to stay forever, safe & happy I'd be for the rest of my life, like a dream.....

A child came down the stairs coy, friendly & shy, smiling, as I gave an easy smile back.. the lady chatted but didn't ask any enquiring questions about me, in her gentle nature I don't think she has a rough tone in her. She spoke to the child & asked her to go on back to bed, who smiled again & returned from where she'd come...

The lady told me her name was Mabel (such a 1950's name I thought) as I told her mine. Mabel asked if I was thirsty & would I like something to drink, I accepted, willing her further reasons to keep me here. Mabel returned with a cool lemon drink I drink it thankfully..

We returned to the lounge where there were another 6 children, some still descending, on the stairs. There curious angelic faces warm & pleasant. Mabel ushered them all back to bed, back to bed with you she sing songed.. turning smiling at me.

I spoke to Mabel for another little while & thought of home, curious as to whether I'd be able to return at all, of which I don't think I would have minded if I couldn't.

Mabel told me to come back again soon & kissed me warmly on the cheek, I remember hugging her tightly being grateful for meeting her.

I walk outside & a boy was around the corner waiting for me, he ran upto me & said I want to come! His manner was polite, friendly & excited, he seemed to sense that I'd come from no-where, or perhaps he'd seen me materialise?

His name was Michael & he was about 12 years old & is Mabels boy. For some reason I don't argue or try & persuade him, I trust him, feel I have known him in a previous life & he was someone I loved from that life. I simply said, we'd better getting going... we walked 100 metres hand in hand, I click the remote & then we're back in today.

Michael was so keenly interested in everything we did little else but look around & check things out, talking in his bubbly excited way about the wonders of what he was seeing. I sensed a few days had passed of happy company , but it was time to take Michael home.

When we got him home he walked in & walked hurredly straight upto Mabel hugging her, telling her he missed her, Mabel smiled welcoming me into her arms as well, this dream made me feel so welcomed, so warm, like a time of old, like it was my life I was returning to.

Mabels children came & kissed hugged & ran excitedly to Michael asking where he'd been & that they were so happy to see him, smiling from ear to ear. Michael obviously was an anchor that would be greatly missed if he was gone for too long.

The kitchen was festive & lighthearted, I remember watching everything going on around me with admiration, wishing that 2007 were so easy going, that the people were so easy to smile, laugh, love & dance...

Mabel & one of her eldest daughters cooked (of which she had 3 teen to twenty something daughters, I can't be sure if these were all Mabels natural children or the wives of her sons, but in this feeling of peace, harmony & love, it made no difference to any of them that they may be inlaws) while a girl of pretty flowing hair, who was about 10 years old & was wearing a simple cool dress (as it was another even temperate night) turned on the radio, her brothers & sisters stood on a square area & all started to dance together. There was no self consciousness, it was as natural to them all as breathing was, this was a daily occurance I felt & my heart swelled for them all further. How I wished back at home things were still so natural & easy going...

I went upstairs by instinct that there was a bathroom up there. Indeed there was.. the house is huge, but to occupy all of the children in the house it needed to be, I muse... I know in the back of my mind that there are alot more people around then I had seen. (I wonder now where Mabels husband was & wish I could have met him...)

I find the bathroom & pass through some kids in the bath, one of them was a teenaged boy, he seemed a little embarrased but so was I, I hid my face behind my hand, the children stopped mid play watching as I found the door to the toilet, to my increasing discomfort & embarrasement though, Mabel walked in whilst I was sitting on the toilet, quieting me, saying don't worry dear I'll be out of here in just a moment.. in tow was her son of about 8, she'd come in to get a bandaid for a scrape on his knee, they found there bandaid & were leaving as I'd found the use of my legs to stand & re-dress after using the facility..

I woke up, I guess the embarrasment was enough to bring me out of the dream.. still though I fought waking, wanting to stay back in the 50's, where people didn't complicate there lives with high demands & lived simply for the pure joy of it.

Sarah-Jane Gow (c)
Unknown "Paperback Writer" Sparkling - 16 years, 9 months, 7 days ago