Wow this whole debt thing sucks dirty balls :(
I'm in debt and I don't even know how bad it is because "I don't need to worry my pretty little head over it" Fuck that just bites me so hard, you don't even know. YES IT"S MY BUSINESS TO KNOW, THIS IS MY FAMILY TOO!!!
I asked if I could work and have him stay home with Preston, but that's "immoral" and "unethical".
OK. Fine.
So if I can't work why can't I just ask for money so that I can potentially go for a coffee or do something. I feel like I'm in jail now ever since I had a kid. Not that it's Preston's fault, because I love him to death and wouldn't change anything in the past if I could. Just that "hey I'm a human too, I have needs!!!" I can't just babble on all day to an infant and enjoy life as it is. I need some adult conversation. Need to get out and do something. But when I don't even have bus fare to go out, WTH I ask, is the point?
And then to tell me that it's not my business why I'm in debt and my bills aren't paid, and why I can't have 10$ to go for a coffee really gets to me. It IS my life and I deserve to know what's happening in it...
Can't we just all get along ?
Unknown "My Lil Kitty" - 17 years, 1 month, 9 days ago

Is it possible to miss something you never had?
I don't understand myself sometimes. Here I am with everything I ever really needed, but yet I feel incomplete. What is it that I'm just not getting here? I have told myself many times over that I can't have everything that I want. Compromise is a must. Why can't I have my cake and eat it too? I want to feel like I deserve to have it all, but somewhere in me I know better.
Sometimes I think to myself, you know what you have to do. You can't talk to HIM. But then where do I find myself.... thinking and missing all over again. Grrr...
You know no one has ever said those things to me. Ever made me feel that way. I felt like I was on top of the world and no meteor could ever shoot me down... But recently I don't talk to HIM. My head has been a lot clearer because I know where I'm headed in life but recently I've been feeling down.
Sometimes you don't realize what you have until you've lost it and I don't want to make that mistake again. I made it with HIM and I can't do it this time around. Now I have my baby's daddy and that is so important to me. But why do I find myself thinking about HIM when I know that I have a good man right here? Is it lust? Or is it....something else...
The sad part about this whole thing is that I have never met HIM. HE was never mine. We were close, but still so far away.....we don't even live in the same country!!! But we used to talk about the day we would meet, the things we would do...and I am really regretting that I never went...See? There I go again. Grr.
How do I miss something that I don't know? Wow this is a great first entry huh? LOL all of you are going to think I'm crazy now. But I guess that's a good thing. I don't want to get more confused than I feel already, so frankly if all of you people out there turn away from me because of this entry it will make my life easier. Somehow that makes sense in my own little world. I get too attached to things, too quickly.
Unknown "My Lil Kitty" - 17 years, 1 month, 9 days ago