I am shedding my own flesh at this very minute. Everything that I once was is peeled away everyday to reveal a new person underneath. Accompanying that new person is a sense of awareness that is sometimes too painful to endure. Things that were once so far away in childhood are threatening to destroy your dreams. Nothing is given freely any more but with a fight. We are now more sensitive to the injustices and suffering of the world....
In my naitivity I chose to ignore these changes within myself. I can't...not anymore. These days I'm no longer satisfied with anything. I keep thirsting for more and I believe it is satisfaction. I want to be satisfied with my life and confident in my own abilities. Only one thing hinders me from fulfilling this desire and that is myself. How? I am my own worst enemy. I used to beat myself internally with guilt, doubt, and fear. All these things in turn made me cower from the world and left me mute. So many contradictions within that I felt that I was at war.
Nothing was black and white....the lines were blurred. I grew tired. The cage I had created for myself was suddenly comforting. No one or anything could touch me. Yet I discovered that I could never touch any one back. The war had seeped into my personal life. What I thought only affected me caused others to resent me. Why?It is difficult to love when you do not love yourself or see beauty within. One is so preoccupied with ripping themselves apart because of their faults that they forget that they have much more to offer.
It has cost me so much to believe that I am beautiful despite others insisting that it is true. I'm glad that I have wonderful friends who think so but I have to find it on my own. Don't worry...my flesh continues to peel and as it does everyone will see who I am inside.
Unknown "VV" Curious
- 15 years, 11 months, 2 days ago
