A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand
slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
John Kenneth Loucks "The Charmer" Frisky - 16 years, 3 months, 18 days ago

Fourth one 'borrowed' from Paul Le Roux:

Last month MSU scientists released the results of a
recent analysis that revealed the presence of female
hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer
consumption. The theory is beer contains female
hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens); therefore, by
drinking enough beer, men can turn into women. To test
the theory, 100 men each drank 8 pints of beer within
a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of
the tests subjects:

1. Argued over nothing.
2. Refused to apologize when obliviously wrong.
3. Gained weight.
4. Talked excessively without making sense.
5. Became overly emotional.
6. Couldn't drive.
7. Failed to think rationally.
8. Had to sit down to urinate.

No further testing was considered necessary.
John Kenneth Loucks "The Charmer" Frisky - 16 years, 3 months, 18 days ago

Third one 'borrowed' from Paul Le Roux:

The Irish Blonde

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino
and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of
the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel
much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the
dice and yelled,

"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
squealed "YES, YES, I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her
winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The
dealers stared at each other dumb founded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were
watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are stupid; not all blondes are dumb,
but all men are men.
John Kenneth Loucks "The Charmer" Frisky - 16 years, 3 months, 18 days ago

Also 'borrowed' this from Paul Le Roux:

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can imagine what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term 'Ship High In Transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Ship High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.
John Kenneth Loucks "The Charmer" Frisky - 16 years, 3 months, 18 days ago

I 'borrowed' this from Paul Le Roux:

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.





PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
John Kenneth Loucks "The Charmer" Frisky - 16 years, 3 months, 18 days ago