These are real notes written by parents in a kentucky school district...(spellings have been left intact.)

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s. [note: words in ( )'s were crossed out] .

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being.It was his father's fault.

15. I kept billie home because she had to go christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer fo! R missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Ple ase excuse jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever,sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids!
JuST JaKE "Jakey Breaky" Crazy - 16 years, 9 months, 19 days ago

Urine Test
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me.
I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit.
In order to get that paycheck--I am required to pass a random urine test,
which I have no problem with.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who
don't have to pass a urine test.
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I
have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their
feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their butt.
Could you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass
a urine test to get a public assistance check.
JuST JaKE "Jakey Breaky" Crazy - 16 years, 9 months, 19 days ago

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of three, nine or 12, and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s ‘the night.’ We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.” He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”
JuST JaKE "Jakey Breaky" Crazy - 16 years, 9 months, 29 days ago

DEAR KOOS I'm writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that almost all accidents happen within 20km of home. So we moved. I can't send you the address, because the last family who lived here took the house numbers when they moved, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I don't know that it works so well though. Last week I put in a load of clothes and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It rained only twice last week. The first time for four days, and the second time for three days. About the coat you wanted me to send you. Your oom Frikkie said it would be too heavy to send them in the post with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Piet locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning but I don't know what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. I was told that it is almost black. I think she spent too much time in the sun when she was pregnant, always helping Jonas the farmhand with the mealies. Oom Wessels fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. It took five days to put the fire out. Three of your friends went off a bridge in their oupa's bakkie. I always knew this thing was dangerous. Janneman was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were on the back..They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Your favorite aunt Hanna P.S. I was going to enclose R25 but I already sealed the envelop
JuST JaKE "Jakey Breaky" Crazy - 16 years, 9 months, 29 days ago

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
JuST JaKE "Jakey Breaky" Crazy - 16 years, 10 months, 9 days ago