An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
Unknown "cuddly" Missing Him - 16 years, 7 months, 3 days ago

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
Unknown "cuddly" Missing Him - 16 years, 7 months, 3 days ago

Weight Loss Plan

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.
Unknown "cuddly" Missing Him - 16 years, 7 months, 3 days ago

This was hilarious and I had to re-post it immediately!!!


They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back .... same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free".She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!". Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where"?

They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."

They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.


They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"



They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce, and Worst of all ............
THEY VOTE
Unknown "cuddly" Missing Him - 16 years, 7 months, 27 days ago

I made a girl cry yesterday .... before you judge, read along ... LOL

So, this chick in class that I made cry has been fucking with everyone and apparently yesterday was my day. It sucked.

So, here's what happened. It was the end of the day and my team had to sweep and mop the floors in the kitchen. We were doing all the sweeping and she fucked with my "other mom" in the kitchen which pissed me of, but Other Mom got in trouble yesterday so she didn't say anything and kept her mouth shut today. We went to put the brooms up and get the mops and buckets to start mopping up so we can leave. I was mopping and walking backwards, when she comes up behind me and says, "Would you move?" I immediately said to myself, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” so I turned around and in a very calm voice said, "You could say excuse me" and went back to mopping the floor. She says, "No, you could say it." So here is where my New York attitude came in ... I said to her "I'm the one mopping the floor and walking backwards. I can't see you. You want to pass, you say excuse me since you are the one walking towards me." She was about to try and yell at me and I looked right at her dead in the eyes and said, "If you think you can fucking talk to me the way you do to other fucking people in this class, you've got another fuckin' thing coming to ya." She walked away from me and apparently went to the ladies room. Later I found out from My Other Mom that she was in the bathroom crying ... she had passed her as she was walking in there. HILARIOUS!!!

I'm harsh and honest ... but fuckin' hilarious! HAHA
Unknown "cuddly" Missing Him - 16 years, 8 months, 23 days ago