I got a tattoo in 36 point Roman Italics on my penis that says SOS.
When I get an erection is says "Supercalifragalisticexpialidocious"

Sorry for the perverted joke, I just remembered it and had to post it. :D
Unknown "I Just Got Owned" Calm - 16 years, 9 months, 17 days ago

Available points: 7777 pts
Total points: 7777 pts

Apparently I'm a pretty lucky guy. LOL
Unknown "I Just Got Owned" Calm - 16 years, 9 months, 17 days ago

5 Simple Steps to Giving an Unwilling Cat a Bath.

1) Pamper cat
*Cat is sedated and will be more cooperative

2) Very lovingly carry cat into the bathroom.

3) Very quickly put your cat into toilet bowl, close lid, and sit on it before cat jumps out.

WARNING: Avoid edges of toilet bowl, frantic cat claws will be looking for any hole to escape.

4) Flush Toilet to get a clean rinse.
*Repeat as necessary to get a full clean rinse.
*Repeat as desired for extra laugh

5) Open Toilet lid and all doorways outside
*Cat running frantically outside will give an air drying effect

**Disclaimer: It is not recommended that you should actually give a cat a bath in such manner, nor do I clean a cat, or any animal in such manner. This is merely for the laugh of a joke, and should not be taken seriously.**

Unknown "I Just Got Owned" Calm - 16 years, 9 months, 20 days ago

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Unknown "I Just Got Owned" Calm - 16 years, 9 months, 21 days ago

Two Doctors
Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading,

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed "Hysterias and Posteriors."

The doctors didn't find it acceptable, so they suggested "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

The town didn't like that either and countered with "Catatonics and HighColonics."

Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestions began rolling in:

"Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives."
"Minds and Behinds."
"Lost Souls and Ass-holes."
"Analysis and Anal Cysts."
"Queers and Rears."
"Nuts and Butts."
"Freaks and Cheeks."
"Loons and Moons."

None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally settled on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds & Ends."
Unknown "I Just Got Owned" Calm - 16 years, 9 months, 21 days ago