Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks it into the trolley

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife

'They're on offer, only £10 for 12 cans', he says

'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man,

'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says

the man replies... 'SO DOES 12 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE F*%KING PRICE'
Unknown "Water Babe" Loving - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young Man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes Of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' Said the old lady. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money!' and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.. 'Don't be too hasty!' He said.
'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse Manure onto her hallway carpet.
'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure From your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'
The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well Let me get you a
fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity This morning.

Unknown "Water Babe" Loving - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.



'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St.Peter asked.



'Well, I can think of one thing,' the man offered.



'On a trip to South Australia , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker, smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, threw it on the ground and yelled, 'Now, back off, or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'





St. Peter was quite impressed .. 'When did this happen?'







' Couple of minutes ago.'


Unknown "Water Babe" Loving - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

Judge to prostitute,

'So when did you realize you were raped?'



Prostitute, wiping away tears:

'When the cheque bounced.'

Unknown "Water Babe" Loving - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'It's golf balls'. Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked; 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'
...
Unknown "Water Babe" Loving - 16 years, 7 months, 13 days ago