Smile!!!
I know, I know. You are. Answer me this though. Is it a real smile? Or is it one of those grins you plaster on your face so no one will ask you whats on your mind?
I know how tempting those fake grins are to use and how hard it can be to actually have a real one on your face.
But allow me to let you in on a little peice of imformation about me. For the last 2 days i have been smiling none stop, or at least it seems that way. Of course there were a few occasion where my smile slipped to be replaced with either a confused look or and upset one. But with what has been going on in my life, that is to be expected. I am ok not being happy ALL the time, it is impossible, but i also am making the right choices to lead me to feeling content. People are very self abusive. I use to be to, still am sometimes as a matter of fact. But i am trying very hard to fill my life with happy things and happy people. Surrond yourself with good, and in a matter of time good will come to you. I have friends who have bad days, and i am more then happy to be there for them when they are, but my trues are the ones who, like me, realise that you are allowed to be sad, but you are not allowed to let it control your world. If your depressed emotional status is effecting your friends, your family, your job, all in all your world, then its time to change. I cant imagen always being sad. I do have low days where i want to hide in my tiny hole, but they past and i continue with life, with out hope for a better day, which i know will come, life is just not worth living.
I have been having a hard time smiling the last week, i have been very sad. But time for the pity party to be over. I have dealt with the issues at hand and moved on. No need to harbor those crappy feeling. They only drag you down.
Just remember to truely smile at least 5 times today. If you really think about it, its not that hard to do when your around good people.
Ok, im done my rant. Lol.
Unknown Serene - 15 years, 11 months, 28 days ago

I have learned something very important over the last few weeks.
There are many people in your world with no two personalities the same. They come and go through your life, some leaving a bigger impression then others. You might not even know why but you feel a connection to certain people that just draws you in and even if nothing overly wonderful happened while they were in your life you will always remember them. Its amazing how small things can leave such big impressions. I have had people come and go a lot in my life and i have to say i have had some very sad partings. There are so many wonderful people in this world, and they have so many wonderful things to teach. I try hard to learn all i can and take from the experiances of others to enhance my own. No matter what people may say, no matter how ready they think they are, saying goodbye to someone who you will always remember is a very hard thing to do. I use to think if i had my way i would never have to say goodbye to anyone. I learn different though. Sometimes it is time to say goodbye. And im not talking about death and loosing a loved one. Im talking about drifting apart from friends. I have lost touch with many people, some on better terms then others. But something i come to realise is i was ready to. Some of them taught me wonderful lessons and i loved a great deal and still do as a matter of fact, but i know when we stopped talking it was time. I have been asking myself lately how i can be holding on to people who i may love a great deal but am so unsure about, yet i let very steady and possitive people go. There are a few people in my life right now who i love a lot but some days think it might be better just to let them go. However, i cant seem to. I have this pull to certain people and i have to see what it is. No matter how unsure i am. Over the last year i have learn a lot about love. Having it, loosing it, not trusting it, and the different levels there are. I truely do thank the people who have helped me learn these lessons, no matter how much i was hurt in the process. About 6 months ago i had my heart ripped out of my chest, or at least thats how painful it felt. I am still hurting from the experiance and i am having a problem with moving on from it. I had trust issues before and even more now, i dont ever want to go through that pain again, but i also realise thats a risk i may someday have to take. Its not like that was my first experiance with heart break, but it definitly has been the most impacting.To this day i still question myself and ask what if. I hate the uncertainity this has brought to me. However, no matter how much pain this has brought me, i have learn a wonderful lesson and know that as i continue to heal i will continue to grow.
Its hard to let go, esspecially to people you are drawn to so much. I will never be able to tell if i am suppose to let go of an important person in my life without a massive struggle. But thats what makes me human and that is what is helping me to grow. I fianlly know i derserve the best and refuse to settle for second anymore. I did that for a long time. No more! :-)
Unknown Serene - 16 years, 14 days ago

FYI!
KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY PETS!!!!!!
Unknown Serene - 16 years, 1 month, 4 days ago

People can be so annoying, but so great at the same time.Confusion is a part of my life i have learned to deal with well. I get alot of advice, from a lot of different people. Its not welcome. Guess what, i have already heard it. I think i have found the cause of all my frustration, its not the jobs, or my past that is really getting to me, mind you it does have a role, but its my so called friends..... maybe the thing i truely need the break from is them?
Unknown Serene - 16 years, 1 month, 11 days ago

Well, i think it is time for a change. I am the first one to admit changing jobs counts as a great way to shake up your life. But i think im getting sick of the whole routine of my life. Work work work. Then sleep sleep sleep, and I am always trying to find room to squeeze my friends in, and if i dont have enough time for them they get annoyed. Completely understandable on their part. I would be a little ticked off as well. Im sick of the presure of having to earn money, pay bills, doing school, and keep a smile on. I am happy 99.9% of the time, its the other .1% that is starting to drive me insane. It is a small amount but over time it builds up. Maybe its time i move......? :-S
Unknown Serene - 16 years, 1 month, 12 days ago