so ya I was just saying goodbye to my friends on other apps and I see this guy coming down my steps. he starts banging on my door and comes close to knocking in down so I open it so he cant and be burst into my apartment. he is drunk out of his mind gives me this story, I thought his friends were playing a prank on him. I told him a few times to leave my place he would not. I was getting ready to beat him. (I am a green belt) but instead I grabbed my phone and he took off. shortly after the cops came by the next thing I saw was him getting dragged away by 3 cops. fun times

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Micheal Beirnes "~~CDN NINJA~~" - 15 years, 4 months, 9 days ago

Prime Minister Stephen Harper was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes.They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.The teacher asked the PM if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'.
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'. One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.
'No,' said Harper, 'that would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explained Harper. 'That's what we would call great loss. The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Harper searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?' Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand.
In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Harper was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.' 'Fantastic!' exclaimed Harper. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says the boy, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss.......
and it probably wouldn't be a fucking accident either

Micheal Beirnes "~~CDN NINJA~~" - 16 years, 1 month, 22 days ago

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her "Pussycat". The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He
reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in, he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!"


got this email, thought it was funny. enjoy
Micheal Beirnes "~~CDN NINJA~~" - 16 years, 2 months ago