So Kat says that I want everything and I am unhappy when I don't get it. It is true that I do always want everything. It is true that I am always pushing at boundaries and trying to get more. It is true that I am quite greedy. I don't think it is true that I require everything to be happy.
I debated on just commenting to her about this, but it feels like a common misconception to me. So I figured a tale might be better. A tale is also good in that it isn't directly pointed at her this way. While most everything I've ranted about applies to her, very little of it was really directed at her at the time of writing. I've known her for so long that while my heart often aches thinking about her, it is a slow burn instead of the roaring inferno that gets me ranting. The slow burn may help make conditions so an inferno can catch and get going, but it really isn't the focus of it. So thus while things apply to Kat and I, I don't mean for them to be focused solely on that. Hopefully a tale instead of a comment will help make it a bit less focused.
Back to the topic...it isn't the lack of getting everything that makes me unhappy. I can deal with not getting everything. I can understand that a person just isn't the type to do certain things. Whether it be talk on the phone, discuss feelings/emotions, cam, take pics, or whatever. If a person just isn't the type to do something then I may nudge some trying to get it still, but it won't make me unhappy that I don't. What makes me unhappy is when it isn't that the person isn't the type to do such, but that they just won't do such with me. I hesitate to call it jealousy, but I suppose it is. It really bothers me to be told "I don't like to talk on the phone" or just for a person to refuse to ever allow me to call and then for me to hear about the person talking to somebody else on the phone. This applies to phone calls, pics, cam, meeting...any of that, but also to feelings and emotions.
It also bothers me when a person used to be fine with things, but now isn't. If I used to be able to call a person, but now am not allowed then I'm going to be bothered. If a person used to take pictures for me, but now refuses then I'm going to be bothered. Etc etc. It makes me feel like I no longer matter to them as much as I once did.
Basically...I think consistency is important for me to be happy. My friend kitty tells me no all the time and I am fine with it. Yet when other people tell me no I am unhappy. Why? It is because kitty is consistent. She almost always tells me no and she almost always tells everybody else no. So I am able to see that it is just how she is and I can accept her for being herself. It is just when people tell me no, but tell others yes or when people tell me yes one moment and no the next that I become unhappy.
So it isn't that not getting everything makes me unhappy. It is not getting everything that a person gives to others or has given to me before. Does the distinction matter? Probably not. It is still me wanting and demanding too much from people. It makes me feel better making the distinction though. : p
Swirly "^Swirly^" Tired
- 16 years, 8 months, 27 days ago
